A good buddy of mine from college has been dating his girlfriend on/off for a long time, and I’ve always thought he seemed unhappy in the relationship. Three weeks ago, he and his girlfriend were supposed to come into town to visit but canceled last minute, with him saying he “didn’t want to talk about it right now,” but he’d probably see me “without GF soon.” I told him I was here to talk whenever, assuming they broke up. Yesterday, the GF posted a photo: they’re engaged.
I know some friends have told him for over a year that he needed to propose to her, that he wouldn’t find better, etc. I’m torn. Do the cards have any advice on how to tell someone “congratulations!” and ask, “Are you OK with this?” at the same time?—Questioning Groomsman
Cards: Four of Swords (reversed), Knight of Pentacles (reversed), Knight of Cups
Dear QG,
I’ve been a wedding officiate since 2015, marrying plenty of couples, and I can tell you this: some people get married because they think they’re supposed to. They might have been dating for a long time, or they might be “of a certain age,” or they know it’s what their partner wants—even if they don’t. They get married out of duty, not desire.
I don’t know if this is your friend or not. He could be SUPER stoked to marry his girlfriend. But, if he may have popped the question for less-than-ideal reasons, he will need a nonjudgmental friend to confide in.
Send your questions for the Oracle to [email protected] or DM @theyboracle on Instagram
If you think he got peer pressured into getting engaged, he’ll undoubtedly feel pressure to go through with the marriage. Weddings are a financial and emotional investment. Nonrefundable deposits are being paid, wedding dresses are being bought, and everyone is saying how excited they are for the happy couple. If he genuinely doesn’t want that, it’ll take a lot of strength to call it off because it involves disappointing a lot of people (including someone he loves).
With the Four of Swords reversed, I urge you to approach this situation cautiously. Timing is everything. Don’t corner him at the engagement party and ask, “Dude, really?”
Keep your conversations free of judgment and free of expectations. Don’t try to guide it. You’re the Knight of Pentacles now, bucko, and he is one calm motherfucker. You gotta be grounded and zen and the voice of reason when everything else feels chaotic.
Your friend is now the Knight of Cups. He is dealing with the world of emotions and relationships and, yes, possibly duty. He may have proposed to his girlfriend because he felt pressure to. He may have proposed to her because he realized, after a near breakup, that he loves her and wants to be her husband for the rest of his life. I don’t know, and you don’t know. So let him tell you.
Again, you're going to approach this calmly and without an agenda. Start with some easy catch-up phone calls. Let the conversation flow naturally. If something sounds concerning, bring it up gently, like a hippie therapist would. Remember: if he wants to jump ship, you’ll be that life raft. And if he’s thrilled to get married, you don’t want to be the guy yucking his matrimonial yum. (You still have to show your face at this wedding!)
Proceed with tact, my dear.
Dear Oracle,
After another bad breakup, I’m feeling disappointed. Again. I’m starting to feel burnt out on dating. Should I take some time for myself, or should I “get back out there” and keep putting my energy into looking for a new relationship?—Burned Bae
Cards for Personal Time: Ten of Cups, Knight of Cups, Queen of Swords
Cards for The Dating Game: Two of Cups, The Sun, The Empress
Dear BB,
In my personal philosophy, it can be healthy to take some time for yourself after a relationship ends to just be single and get in touch with yourself. How much time, of course, is up to you. When it comes to taking a dating sabbatical, the cards do show that that’s a perfectly fine choice. It looks like it might be a time for some great self-love.
The Ten of Cups is often a card of marriage, but for this situation, it can be a time to evaluate what you want out of a relationship and what does an “end goal” look like? Similarly, the Knight of Cups might be read as a romantic pursuer, but in this kingdom of singlehood, it suggests you’re romancing yourself. Practice that self-love (both in the sexy way and the wine-and-dine way). It can lead to the Queen of Swords, who has a sharp mind and knows what she wants…though be mindful not to become cynical. Overall, these are perfectly fine cards if you decide that you just want to stay single for a bit.
However.
It’s hard to not be blinded by the radiating, pulsing, Major Arcana energy of the “get back out there” set. First, we have the Two of Cups, the fun and fresh energy of a new relationship. It’s all the exciting bits of meeting someone you like and feeling that balloon of optimism.
Then, we move on to the white noon of The Sun: a card of joy, of celebration, without a shadow of suspicion lurking. It’s the ultimate card of celebration. Finally, we round out the spread with The Empress, that pinnacle of feminine power and loving energy, the earthy mama who embraces earthly desires.
I think it’ll do you well to give dating another go. This doesn’t mean that you need to start swiping right on everyone (or even be on the apps!) or say yes to every date that comes your way. Likewise, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still romance yourself or take care of your current heartbreak. But, you know, maybe get back out there sooner than later. Who knows? It might be what you’ve been looking for.
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