Oracle of Ybor: The Cuban wedding crisis

Dear Oracle, I don’t want to attend my brother’s wedding. He and his fiancé have become incredibly conservative and frequently say things that are anti-Black/homophobic/transphobic, and as a queer womxn, I don’t want to be around such hateful and judgy people. But I also come from a large Cuban family, and skipping an event like this will have immense repercussions. What should I do?—Cuban Wedding Crisis

Cards: Five of Pentacles (reversed), Six of Pentacles (reversed), New Moon, Page of Swords

Dear CWC, weddings, in the days of yore, were political events. They were about two families (or two nations if you were Royal) aligning and the benefits that came from that union. Romance and scandal were saved for elopements. And while most of us aren’t making land deals now through marriage, weddings can still be pretty “political” regarding family politics. Even today, weddings are rarely just about the happy couple.

I am not going to tell you if you should attend the wedding or not. That is your call. However…I will say that judging by the cards, it would be politically advantageous for you to go.

I won’t sugarcoat it: you probably won’t have a good time. With the Five of Pentacles, you may feel isolated while there. But, with that same card, you may feel even more isolated and shut out from the family if you skip it.

Attending will put you in a great light. As the Six of Pentacles, it will look like you’re being generous and graceful—which is true. You would be. This, in turn, might help you with your large family if your brother is less than graceful with you. You’ll be the civil one, the “reasonable” one.

But, if you do decide to go—and you do not have to—you shouldn’t go in blind. The more work you can do to emotionally and mentally prepare for this, the better. The New Moon in my deck (Uusi’s ”Pagan Otherworlds”) can be a healing card, especially for deep wounds. If you have a therapist, work with them on strategies for what to do if your brother/his fiancé/anyone says something shitty to you. I’m sure there is also a deep sadness to see your brother become this hateful person.

But you are the Page of Swords, my dear. You have the intellect and the freedom to become who you are meant to be and a strong sense of self that can’t be swayed. That being said, the Page of Swords is dressed for war. He is going to battle in full armor. What sort of armor could you wear to this wedding? Is it an energetic shield? A kickass outfit? A stack of rings that each mean something to you? How can you feel protected mentally, physically, and spiritually while attending? Really consider it. If you attend, you’ll be skirting enemy territory, and while I do hope there are members of your large family that will back you up, you want to feel prepared.

Whatever you decide, you’re still that Page of Swords—surefooted, whip smart, and positively free.

Dear Oracle, I’m newly pregnant for the first time. While my husband and I are excited about having a baby, I’m also terrified. So many things can go wrong during pregnancy. What should I keep in mind during this journey?—Expecting trouble?

Cards: The Star, Three of Wands, Six of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles

Dear Expecting, congratulations on your pregnancy! I sincerely hope the best for you, your husband, and your little one during this time. I also want to say that it is COMPLETELY normal to be feeling anxious right now. First, biologically speaking, your body is flooded with progesterone, which could make even the most zen mama anxious. Second, this is a huge change! It’s so common to feel all kinds of emotions.

The Star is a card about the inner world and the outer, and right now, you’re going through a life-changing event on both fronts. In the physical world, your body is changing, your house is changing (gotta stuff those diapers and that crib somewhere), and your social life is probably taking a hit.

In your inner world, your relationship with yourself may change. You are becoming a parent, a caretaker, which is a big responsibility that can certainly feel overwhelming. But I think you’re more prepared than you believe.

The Three of Wands appears when we look back on where we came from as we move forward to the unknown. But it’s our past that prepared us for this moment. I think you and your husband are ready for this plunge.

Now, what can you do to help with all this anxiety? First off, be incredibly generous with yourself. The Six of Pentacles is about giving, and you need to give yourself a lot of grace. If you need to sleep 12 hours a night, do it. If you need to order groceries because it’s too much energy to go to work and the store, do it. Treat yourself kindly, and don’t beat yourself up if 20% is all you can give. (According to my sources, the first trimester is fucking brutal.)

With the Ace of Pentacles, I also think it may help quell your anxiety if you learned more about how pregnancy works and how we, as a species, got to the year 2023 CE. Babies were born in caves during ice ages and plagues and lived. Nowadays, we got penicillin! And ultrasounds! And doctors and midwives who study this shit for years! We know way more about the human body now, so if there are any issues down the road, you can be treated and cared for.

Also, check in with your doctor/midwife’s office and see if there’s a number you can call for questions. Having an expert call you back will give you more calm and certainty than Google.

I wish you the best of luck during this unprecedented time and I hope that anxiety eases for you.