Oracle of Ybor: To find love, lighting a candle isn’t any more out there than trusting an algorithm

Will I die alone, having never known the joys of romantic love and committed partnership?

click to enlarge A King of Cups is loving, giving, imaginative, and romantic. - Photo via sf4041/Adobe
Photo via sf4041/Adobe
A King of Cups is loving, giving, imaginative, and romantic.
Dear Oracle, I’m an educated, reasonably attractive, fit, funny, smart, straight single woman in my 50s looking for a life partner. Over the years, I’ve had several healthy LTRs, but I’ve never been married. Kids and marriage never mattered to me, but I always thought I’d have met “my person” by now. I have great friends, a great job, hobbies—I’m pretty happy. But I’m also more than ready to find a partner in crime, a best friend and lover.

Yes, I’ve tried dating apps as well as joining meetups, clubs, taking classes, getting involved, volunteering, being friendly at the grocery, etc. etc. etc.—and nothing. So, tell me. What do the cards say? Will I ever find “my person,” or will I die alone, having never known the joys of romantic love and committed partnership?—Disappointed Dater

Initial Cards: The Empress, King of Cups, Four of Swords, Ten of Cups
What Else to Know: Seven of Wands, Four of Wands (both reversed)

Dear DD, sometimes when I draw cards for a question, they seem so far removed that I have to double-check with a pendulum to ensure they are the correct cards. Other times, the cards come up, and they are so obvious that I worry people will think I’m lying or somehow “stacked the deck.”

These cards are the latter.

We start with The Empress, the earthly woman ruler of the world. As you describe it, you are the Empress of your own life: you have great friends, a great job, hobbies—you have a fulfilling life. What you want to add to it (and what you will) is a King of Cups: you’re leading man.
Send your questions for the Oracle to [email protected] or DM @theyboracle on Instagram

A King of Cups is loving, giving, imaginative, and romantic. This person is out there. You two will meet eventually. You two will fall in love. And since the Ten of Cups is the end of the love story (aka marriage), I will venture to say that you two will commit to each in a meaningful way—legally or spiritually or however you want to go about it.

But what happens between now and the happily ever after is a little more complicated. While Tarot can be awfully specific when it comes to emotions, it’s not very specific when it comes to, say, naming places to meet your future beau.

What I can tell you is that you do need to reconsider your approach and how you spend your energy. For the initial pull, I drew the Four of Swords, which is a complex card for this situation. It can be a card of feeling lonely or needing to be alone. It’s also about atonement, ego, picking your battles, or needing silence to come to an answer.
With a card that complicated (and whose advice could be read one way or another), I drew two more to help explain what those swords are all about and pulled the Seven of Wands and Four of Wands.

The Seven of Wands is a card of a battle but also of changing strategies. Paired with the Four of Swords, I think you need to “pick your battles” when it comes to dating. If you are going on dates plus joining clubs and classes and being affable as can be at the grocery store, that means that you’re “on” all the time. And that’s got to be exhausting.

Sure, you never know where you will meet your partner, but it’s hard to be your brightest self if you’re run down from dealing with a bunch of scrubs over Hinge.
So, if you have not already, you should involve your community more. The Four of Wands is a card of celebration and love (the wands in the picture make a wedding chuppah), but it’s also a card of family and community. So start letting your community (your friends, family, trivia teammates, whoever) do some vetting for you. They might know a great guy whose divorce got finalized last year or someone who just moved into town.

There is an element of spirituality to both the Seven of Wands and Four of Wands, so if you’re part of a community of faith, that might be a place to look as well.

And if you’re not part of a spiritual community…it might not hurt to turn to one for a love spell. I know how that sounds, but hear me out! Any reputable botanica will sell you a pre-dressed love candle (look for ones to “draw love” not to “keep”), and once home, you’ll place it in a big bowl of water, light it on a Friday, and talk to it about what you’re looking for and thanking it every morning until it burns out. The whole thing will cost you less than a dozen eggs—just make sure you bring a couple of bucks to leave on the store altar as an offering.

(If you have a DIY spirit, you can make your own love spell by getting a pink candle, carving it with symbols for love, and making an infused oil with cardamom, rose, lavender, jasmine, and damiana. Rub oil over candle while chanting intention. Follow the rest of the steps above.)

Some people might roll their eyes at the advice above, but is lighting a candle any more “out there” than trusting an algorithm to find love? To be a Romantic is to believe in Fate—at least a little bit—and if there is a force controlling us, why not try to petition it for favor?

Whether you go the love spell route or not, letting your community know you’re looking for someone and asking for their help can open doors to your King of Cups. He is out there, and you two will find each other eventually. I sincerely hope it’s sooner than later. Have faith, my dear.
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