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Thursday 4.5

Not-So-Cheap Labour For the next four weeks, St. Pete's Demens Landing is all about the bard during American Stage's 16th annual Shakespeare in the Park production. Be among the first to see this year's play, Love's Labour Lost, at the premiere gala. Begin with cocktails at 6 p.m., followed by dinner courtesy of The Garden, Redwoods and Haiku sushi restaurant. At 8 p.m., sit back and enjoy this romantic romp about three noblemen who vow to swear off romance. Tickets cost $85, and Demens is at Bayshore Drive and Second Avenue South. Call 727-823-1600.

Puck You The Tampa Bay Lightning's arduous 2000-01 season is nearing its end, with the last home game taking place at 7:30 p.m. The Lightning go up against the New York Rangers, and while you might think the Rangers are gonna thrash us, the two teams are rather close in the Eastern Conference standings (Rangers: 10th/Tampa Bay: 13th), so we actually have a sporting chance. Tickets range from $8 to $65, and the Palace is at 401 Channelside Drive, Tampa. Call 813-301-6600.

Friday 4.6

Bidding for Bods The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, a worthy cause indeed, lets you buy someone's affection during the ninth annual Bachelor & Bachelorette Auction. The Don CeSar hosts this 7 p.m. event, where guests enjoy drinks, dancing, hors d'oeuvres and a silent auction before bidding on some prime Bay area babes and beefcake. Wonderful world, isn't? Beats singles ads. Tickets cost $50, and the Don's at 3400 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach. Call 813-258-0266.

Writers at War Having recently conquered comedy with their recent Shakespearean romp, Jobsite Theatre gets dramatic with Waiting on Sean Flynn, at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center. On the eve of Saigon's fall, reporter Lee reminisces about friend and war photographer Flynn while trying to decide whether to flee Saigon. Flynn, son of actor Errol, rode a motorcycle into a combat zone in 1970 and was never seen again. Show time is 8 p.m., and tickets cost $15. TBPAC's at 1010 N. MacInnes Place, Tampa. Call 813-229-STAR.

Dilettante DJs The Bay area has seen way more than its fair share of open mics, and take it from us — most of them suck. But we're still willing to go on a little faith for Anarchy. Stateside Collective MC Cles One is the brains behind this unique concept, which gives amateur jocks a chance to mix their little hearts out. The 9 p.m. event takes place at The Orpheum, 1902 Republica De Cuba, Ybor City. Call 813-248-9500.

Saturday 4.7

Kiss My Haggis Dunedin invites all lads, lasses and Lochness lovers to the city's 35th annual Highland Games. From 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., immerse yourself in the Scottish flavor with authentic foods and music, dancing, the Parade of Clans and Pipe Bands, and guys in skirts (OK, kilts) indulging in caber and sheaf tossing, the stone put and other manly pursuits. Save a wee dram for us! Parking costs $10 per carload, and the games are in Highland Park, corner of Michigan and Pinehurst avenues. Call 727-786-1571.

Swamp Things If your wildest fantasy involves sucking your way through 10,000 pounds of crawfish, have we got a gig for you. The Cajun/Zydeco Crawfish Festival begins around noon at the Bayfront Center. Gumbo, spicy shrimp, crawfish etoufee and other Cajun, Creole and Acadian delights abound, along with tunes by Horace Trahan & The New Ossun Express, Richard LeBouef and Two Step and others. The feast continues through Sunday, and tickets cost $10. The Center's at 400 First St. S., St. Petersburg. Call 727-892-5767.

Rock the Cause Depressing fact: Florida ranks second in the nation for pediatric AIDS cases, third for adult and adolescents. Feeling helpless yet? Don't. Grassroots efforts mean everything, and you can contribute by attending a RockAIDS Concert at Jannus Landing. You supply the $5 admission, Lo, Nine2Life, Neurotica, Low2theLeft and Desperate Cry supply the performances. Sounds like a fair trade to us. Doors open at 6 p.m., and Jannus' at 19 Second St. N., St. Petersburg. Call 727-896-1244.

Sunday 4.8

That's Amore If you don't dig Italian food, our advice to you: stay away from Festa Italiana. Beginning at 11:30 a.m. in Centennial Park, this fourth annual event features grape stomping, dominoes, bocce ball, an Easter egg hunt and other activities while more than 30 Bay area restaurants serve up delicious Italian eats. Julius LaRosa, Pat Capuzzi and the Campagnia Folklorica Trinacria Dancers are among the entertainers. Admission's free; food costs range between $2 and $4. The park's at Eighth Avenue and 19th Street in Ybor City. Call 813-248-3316.

Meanwhile, Down the Way ... After stuffing yourself with pasta, roll down to The Orpheum, where a 9 p.m. show features Victory at Sea, The Mercury Program and others. VAS, a Boston trio, includes ex-Spore, Sugar Bitch and Robot members who offer dark-ish rock tunes. Bay area music mavens already know The Mercury Program, but for everyone else, the post-rock quartet hails from Gainesville. Tickets cost $5, and The Orpheum's at 1902 Republica De Cuba, Ybor City. Call 813-248-9500.

Monday 4.9

Surrealistic Poet It's National Poetry Month, and while you might not care, we're hyped about seeing Tampa's own award-winning poet Peter Meinke at the Dali Museum. Dali himself identified and worked with several poets (Federico Garcia Lorca, Paul Eluard, Andre Breton, etc.) and Meinke responds in kind by readings works that collaborate with themes from Dali's works. The reading starts at 6 p.m., and admission costs $5. The museum's at 1000 Third St. S., St. Petersburg. Call 727-823-3767.

Tuesday 4.10

Jazzy Collaborations At 8 p.m., Skipper's Smokehouse offers stage time to Tampa singer/songwriter (and owner of Common Touch Music) Jim Beckwith, who's lucky enough to work with Native Vibe. NV, a smooth, L.A.-based world-jazz duo composed of bassist Nee Sackey and guitarist Bill Macpherson, has worked with Beckwith to create melodic combinations of jazz, rock and African rhythms. Admission costs $8, and Skipper's is at 910 Skipper Road, Tampa. Call 813-971-0666.

Wednesday 4.11

Skewing a Sex Goddess TheatreUSF depicts the clash between all-American optimism and Technicolor Dream Factory cynicism during its 8 p.m. production of The Life and Death of Marilyn Monroe. According to director Bob Gonzalez, Monroe had ... a whole committee of voices in her head. No less than six actresses portray the blond bombshell's surreal ride through the Hollywood juggernaut. Tickets cost $8, and the play's in Theatre II on campus, 4202 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa. Call 813-974-2323.

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