Doing laundry is a pain in the ass.
At some point, we've all had to sit in laundromat purgatory, waiting for our clothes to complete the passage from washer to dryer to folding table. And in my eight months as a renter in St. Pete, it was hard to find a launderette not plagued by bums and busted machines.
But thanks to my landlord, I've recently been liberated from the hell of lint balls and missing socks. My new washer and dryer arrived last month, and let me tell you, I don't miss those long days (and nights) doing the laundry shuffle.
But, for nostalgia's sake, and as an aid for those of you who have to lug your laundry bags to the local washhouse, I've compiled a list of some of the more colorful launderettes in the area. I mean, if you have to leave home to do the laundry, it might as well be interesting …
[Note to trademark lawyers: The word "Laundromat" was trademarked by Westinghouse back in 1947, but the company let its claim lapse in the early '90s. The synonyms "launderette," "washhouse" and "washette" were never restricted.]
Coin Laundry USA
361 Eighth St. S.
This little launderette on St. Pete's Southside resembles most washhouses in the area — it's anything but hygienic, the homeless use it as a hangout, and finding a working machine is a crapshoot. Plus, there is something seriously disturbing about a place that has four surveillance cameras in a cramped 1,000-square-foot space.
On a recent weekday evening, several people packed the laundromat, their kids running around the folding tables while disheveled men wandered in to use the restroom. After one particularly large man exited the unisex bathroom, a horrible stench filled the room. But the patrons kept folding and stuffing clothes into the dryers with nary a protest.
"You get the transients, but they don't bother anybody," says Carol Ann (she won't give her last name), a frequenter of Coin Laundry USA for a year now. In fact, she chooses to come here rather than the one closer to her.
This is Bill Brown's first time. He normally doesn't go to laundromats, but the facilities at the Randolph Hotel where he is staying are broken. Despite the filth, he says, "This is a really nice place."
Price to wash/dry a medium load of laundry: $4
Rating: 1 lint ball
Laundromat Clean For You
3754 28th St. N.
A recently immigrated Vietnamese family has run this business for two years. It's not the flashiest of places, but the '70s-era signs and bright orange folding tables give it the homey feel of Grandma's trailer. And it's practically the Taj Mahal compared to some of the other 'mats in the area.
Which is why Robin (another customer dubious of giving her full name), a mobile blood bank worker, uses this place about once a week.
"I go out of my way to come here because it's clean," she tells me. "Everybody is friendly here. You can get change easily and there's a bathroom."
Robin avoids most of the Central Avenue wash houses, even though she lives just off the main drag, and avoids the 24-hour 'mats.
"I want to go somewhere where I feel safe," she declares. "Just because they have surveillance cameras, it doesn't make it any less creepy."
Robin makes sure to buy her supplies beforehand — kind of like buying your candy before you get to the movie theater.
"It's a racket for those other things, but they have to make a living I guess," she says with resignation. "Seventy-five cents for a little box of soap powder is just a little crazy."
There's not much to do here but watch the big-screen TV that blares several decibels too loud. The two arcade games in the back of the shop — Capcom Bowling and Time Killers — are broken. Not all the dryers work — some seem to never get hot enough to dry anything — but if you stick with No. 11, you should be OK.
Price to wash/dry a medium load of laundry: $4.75
Rating: 3 lint balls
Quick Way Laundry
2800 30th Ave. N.
If you like primitive camping, you'll love open-air washhouses. The rest of us might want to take a pass. Stuck in the parking lot behind Theresa's, a kind of general store, this 'mat is the only open-air wash house I've seen in St. Petersburg. On the night I visited, the L-shaped wooden structure enclosing the 20 washers and dryers reminded me of a stable, but much more creepy. But that was in the middle of night when the temp was 45 degrees. There was absolutely no sign of human life except for a discarded copy of the Jehovah's Witness pamphlet Watchtower. And yet a small TV bolted to the wall was still on. I couldn't help feeling weird about having $10 worth of quarters jingling in my pocket.
If you can stand the weather and have a strong bladder, Quick Way is definitely the cheapest I've seen. One dollar gets your clothes washed in a top-loading machine while 25 cents will dry your clothes. But after shivering for 30 minutes, I decided to bag my wet laundry and find another spot to dry.
Price to wash/dry a medium load of laundry: $1.50
Rating: 2 lint balls
Molly's Place
615 Ninth St. N.
Cold and lonely, I decided to head to Molly's Place, an obscure dive bar on Martin Luther King Boulevard near the I-175 on-ramp. It's an old building, for sure; years of spilt beer and cigarettes have taken their toll. Three framed pictures make up the bar's decoration — a woman bare-assed and bent over with a beer mug balanced on her rump, and two posters of motorcycles decked out with flashing lights.
But in the back, the management has set up four washers and four dryers for the efficiency apartments located upstairs and around the block. On this evening, the washers are broken. Luckily, I only need the dryer, but before I can get my $1.50 into the machine, a hefty man stops me.
"Use the one with the light on," Kenny, a barfly with one glass eye, yells to me, unconcerned about the bartender 10 feet away. "You don't have to put no money in that one."
Kenny explains he's been using the dryer all day without putting any quarters inside.
"It must be broken," he surmises.
Sure enough the thing is broken, but blazing hot. I throw my clothes in and grab a beer.
Price of dryer? $0. Price of a frosty mug of beer? $1.20. Drinking beer while waiting for your laundry to dry? Priceless!
In addition to beverages, Molly's Place also has pool, a jukebox and scrappy, screaming old drunks. I couldn't imagine going anywhere else!
After hearing the dryer's buzzer, I stuff my laundry in a plastic bag, passing on another beer. Before I leave, I stick a dollar in the jukebox. My last song is James Brown's "Hot Pants."
Price to wash/dry a medium load of laundry (when working): $3
Rating: 4 lint balls
So you wanna be a laundromat operator? See "Cleaned out."
This article appears in Jan 3-9, 2007.
