Pop music hits new low

Here's a rambling CD review that'll probably run in print at a later date, at a shorter length. Or maybe it won't run at all. It's kinda nasty.

Basically, it serves as an excuse for me to carp with profanity about mainstream taste in music, which has blown barnyard dick at bargain prices for a long time. When music moves you the way it moves me — I'm talking tears, laughter, dancing solo in the apartment at 2 a.m. — you get loud, rude and pissy when you see stinking piles of fuck become hits and stars.

Anyway, here's my latest CD review — raw and unedited like everything else that I put up on the old blog, a beast that I used to hate, but now have become hooked on like good [insert vice of choice].

Now That’s What I Call Music! 28


EMI/Sony & BMG/Universal/Zomba

Don’t listen to Now 28 within arm’s reach of razor blades, hard drugs or a loaded handgun if you give a damn about quality pop music. The latest in the long-running, chart-topping, singles compilation series is proof positive that mainstream taste has reached a nadir not witnessed since the days of minstrel stars in the Deep South. It’s a stinking pile of fuck and I feel dirty for even giving each track a cursory listen. How bad is the current state of popular taste?

The only worthwhile track is The Fall Out Boy cover of MJ’s ’82 classic “Beat It,” which really isn’t that spectacular except for the John Mayer solo. Holy shit! The pop star with the blues guitar chops actually rocks out with his cock out. Nice. But the disc also features Mayer’s single “Say,” which is like a first-date, herky-jerky blow job with teeth; ranking right up there with his “Your Body is a Wonderland” bullshit of yesteryear.

Even my man Lil Wayne sounds foolish with his 50 Cent-esque pop bid “Lollipop,” which after being cleared of about a zillion FCC-unapproved words, sounds like the CD is skipping. What other atrocities are included on this sure-to-be-best-seller? Despicable smashes by tabloid terror Britney Spears (“Break the Ice”), hillbilly hack Trace Adkins (“You’re Gonna Miss This”) and American Idol ass-wipe Daughtry (“Feels Like Tonight.”) When is an act like Robyn or Vampire Weekend gonna rule the (U.S.) pop charts and restore my faith in humanity? 0 stars

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