Queened Out: Your boyfriend is a girlfriend?

The art of female impersonation is very unique. Many people do it for many different reasons. It can be viewed as a job — potentially a career — or just a fun hobby that allows you to meet lots of people. For others, it's a way to be able to express themselves.

Whatever the reason may be for a man to dress in drag, the opposition from some people can be great. Being a drag queen myself, I have seen this opposition from many people. Some look down on me for wearing a dress; some men think I’m not man enough to be their partner; and others think what I do is not really a job in comparison to what they may do for a living, even if I make more money than them.

One of the most difficult challenges as a female impersonator is finding and maintaining a relationship. I personally have had my fair share of relationships throughout the years — and I have most definitely had my fair share of failed relationships, as well, in which the majority ended because of drag. I once dated a man who at first didn’t know I was a female impersonator because it wasn’t the first thing I told him about myself when we met. We hit it off amazingly well, going on dates almost every night of the week, taking romantic strolls downtown along the water, and basically doing everything picture-perfect movie style.

Then, he found out. It's not that I was ashamed of being a drag queen at all, and I wasn’t ashamed that he found out, but I knew it would pose a problem. After finding out what I did for a living, we continued to go on dates and attempt to make something work between the two of us. However, things seemed to be different. He wasn’t the same amazing guy he once was; he became a bit cold and distant. I wasn’t receiving those cute text messages every night telling me sweet dreams and such.

Being the blunt person that I am, I asked what had changed, what had happened to that fairy tale that seemed to be coming alive. He simply said, "I can’t be with a drag queen.” After not talking for a period of time, I became more and more curious as to why being a drag queen was such an issue for our potential relationship. It turns out that he was afraid that after we had started dating a while I would eventually begin to transition to become a full-time woman and would eventually not be the image of his ideal partner anymore. First off, this wouldn’t have ever happened — I like being a man — but at the end of the day, would it have really mattered if I did? Has the idea of personality trumping looks completely faded away with the times?

Upon meeting someone, human nature makes us all base our opinions upon their looks: how they dress, how their hair is styled, their smile, and on and on. I’m also sure everyone can agree that in order for a relationship to work there needs to be some level of physical attraction towards one another. However, in a world with Grindr and Adam4Adam and such websites it has virtually turned the physical attraction into the only thing that matters.

Is sex really all that important? What happened to the idea of not having sex with someone until several dates into the relationship or even not until the relationship is monogamous? I can honestly say I am one of the few people I know who still believes in this idea, the belief that love will conquer all, that love will make me not care about the flaws in someone’s appearance.

Being a gay man who likes other gay men, I can say I have had a relationship where love conquered all. Many years ago, I dated a guy who began to transition to become a woman. At first I was a little taken back, but I was with him and would continue to be with him throughout the whole transition, until he became her. He was someone who I honestly loved. Though he was transitioning to become a woman and changing his outer appearance, the person I fell in love with never changed. Whether he was a boy or a girl, he was still the same person emotionally, and our love conquered the challenges of her transition. When people begin to realize that love is simply love, this world will be such a better place for all.

I was once told that being a drag queen is like being a C-list celebrity. When told this, I laughed it off and thought nothing about it until recently. Lately, I have seen several friends enter into relationships with people and don’t realize how much they are being used for that celebrity status. When working in the bar scene, entertainers meet many people every night, and that is appealing to potential partners. To be able to be with someone who knows all of these people in the scene makes them more of a part of it, in a sense. Not to mention the other opportunities that can be offered, for example, all of the free drinks and even jobs in the industry as well. Being a drag queen has its up and downs, as does any other job or hobby, but this sort of relationship problem is unlike most. Because at the end of the day none of us are really celebrities. We are all just human beings and all of the makeup washes down the drain.

Throughout our lives we all are looking for that one true love, that love that will be the fairy tale relationship. However, the only way we will achieve that is if we all realize that love isn’t based upon what someone looks like, what someone does for a job, or what someone can offer someone else. Love is an entity merely based upon emotions and emotional connections between two people. Build the emotions and the love will be made visible.

Find out what I'm up to this weekend here.

What does the perfect man look like? My perfect man is a beautiful 6-feet tall blonde with blue eyes, nicely tanned toned muscles, and a gorgeous smile. Obviously, everyone has their own opinion and idea of what their ideal partner looks like.

Most also have an idea of what their ideal partner will do for a living — my blonde, dreamy model will also be an amazing doctor. What if, though, the job they had wasn’t what you expected? What if it was to dress in drag every night?


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