Rabid cat attacks Gibsonton man, Steak 'n Shake drug queenpin sentenced

Oh, and so much more disease in today's Sh*t Happened.

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click to enlarge Rabid cat attacks Gibsonton man, Steak 'n Shake drug queenpin sentenced

Hello! Prepare to panic, chronic WebMD checkers.

Four new cases of measles have been reported in Pinellas County, because some jackass thought Jim Carrey's ex-wife was as smart as all the doctors.

Speaking of largely preventable disease, did you know that America is awash in STDs, posting record-breaking numbers of cases and becoming the country with the highest number of incidence in the industrialized world? God hates you, careless fornicators. Nah, just kidding — it's because the government's religious zealots took away all the funding for education.

Continuing with the theme of "disease is going to kill us all," a man was attacked by a rabid cat while walking down the street in Gibsonton. He shot the cat (of course he was carrying — it's Gibsonton), but a 60-day rabies alert has been called for the area, and this is the ninth animal to be identified carrying the disease in Hillsborough County this year. You know what doesn't attack you and give you a disease? Netflix and AC. (Netflix and chill might expose you to one of those STDs, though, so be responsible.)

And finally, we'll step away from the whole disease thing and close with a much more "classic Sh*t Happened" type of tale — the one about the 43-year-old St. Lucie County woman who turned out to be a drug kingpin (queenpin?) and was selling her shit out of the Steak 'n Shake where she worked. Ah, everything's back to normal.

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