Rape fantasy: the ultimate taboo

But, it’s time for me to come out of the dungeon: nothing gets me as ecstatically aroused and brimming with sexual excitement as thoughts and images of forced sex. You heard right. I have a fantasy of being raped.

You’re probably having one three reactions:

1) “WTF?! That’s appalling!” you think as you click to the next article about porn or sex scandals.

2) “WTF?! That’s some fucked up shit, but I‘m a little curious.”

3) “WTF?! Me, too, but don‘t tell anyone…”

I came to realize that images of forced sex made my ‘giney tickle the same way most modern Americans figure out anything about themselves: through movies. Years ago, I found myself incredibly turned on by a rape scene in the 1971 film, Straw Dogs. Instead of feeling appalled or sick to my stomach, I started playing with myself. After that, I sought out more films with rape scenes, always with the same results. At first, I felt somewhat guilty and embarrassed about my secret pleasure, but hey - wet panties don’t lie.

I soon began exploring different sorts of “brutal” pornography. Images of forced sexual submission, like the “two guys break into a girl’s apartment and ravage her” scenario really got me going, particularly if it involved anal (always a porno fave). Watching women who desired to be dominated, however, left me high n’ dry.

As with all porn, some was hot and some just ridiculous, but regardless of caliber, no actual rape took place. These were paid actors and everything was consensual. I don’t wish for anyone to actually be raped, myself included, but there is something delicious about the forbidden fantasy.

Naturally, I had to wonder why this stuff got me so hot and bothered. As a connoisseur of pornography, I like to explore all edges of the industry, but so often find it too fake to be sexy. Fake tits, fake nails (who wants that up their twat!?), fake orgasms… the horrified reaction to being forced into sex is certainly more believable than having screaming orgasms seconds into “vanilla” porn. Rape porn doesn’t require good acting.

Though rarely vocalized, the rape fantasy is not unusual among women. In fact, in a 1974 study by Hariton and Singer, being “overpowered and forced to surrender” was the second most frequent female fantasy. A study by Knafo and Jaffe a decade later found it to be the most common fantasy during sex.

These studies also found that despite this fantasy, these women had no desire to have sex forced upon them in real life. Freud wrote that “sexual desires conflict with one another, with social conventions, and most critically, with reality.”

One interesting explanation for rape fantasies is that being forced into sexual situations removes feelings of society-induced guilt, as the women obviously have no say in the matter. More common, however, is the belief that women simply enjoy their fantasies involving men who are so overcome with lust that they cannot control themselves.

Personally, I think I fantasize about being forced to submit because it’s light years away from my usual dominant nature. I find I most enjoy domming alpha males, because it’s so exciting to watch them struggle with their submission. Similarly, the only men I ever allow to be even slightly dominant over me are sweet, quiet, beta males. It’s all about the sexual persona differing from every day life.

Regardless of the reason, rape fantasies can be a part of a healthy sex life. They may even be played out with a trusted partner and a good safe word, but I’ll get into that another time. We all have our fantasies, even if they are buried deep in our psyches. Admitting and coming to terms with them can be a strange, exhilarating process and can help us get in touch with our true sexual selves.

“To be violated is perhaps a need in women, a secret erotic need.”

- Anais Nin

I am an incredibly dominant woman - a dominatrix, if you will. I frequent fetish parties and take pleasure in enacting people’s fantasy scenarios. Some of my slaves like pain, others humiliation, and some just enjoy doing as they’re told.

On the fetish scene, people only see my femme dom persona, Mistress Ginger: a whip-wielding woman in a vintage slip and seamed stockings, or perhaps a leather-clad school girl leading a gaggle of boys on leashes.

This won’t change any time soon, but I have a hidden fantasy that I keep secret even from those with whom I'm most intimate.

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