Reel Projections, Wednesday December 17

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James Bond Holiday movie marathon. Stockings hung with care, visions of sugar plums … and 007 making sweet spy love under the mistletoe to women named Pussy Galore and Holly Goodhead. It's a Christmas tradition.

Paramount has released teaser posters for G.I. Joe, which aren't so bad if you see them as the next wave of ads for Axe Body Spray:


First things first: Shakespeare didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow may have crept along in a petty pace back in the Bard's day when everybody spoke in impenetrable soliloquies, but no more. Not if you strap into your computer chair armed with a hoagie and obsess over every single bit of minutiae about upcoming movies. More specifically, big-budget movies that need years of post-production because all the advanced special-effects technology in the world still requires 300 programmers slaving 21-hour days to complete about 20 seconds of screen time. Take the Star Wars prequels as an example: Those films were released in 1999, 2002 and 2005. And how did this geek (along with millions of others) fill each three-year gap? By visiting sites like every blessed day to get my fix of the latest production still or plot rumor or spoiler. Time didn't just fly, into went to hyperdrive, and before I knew it: Presto! Another SW film to insult my childhood memories.

And that brings me to Tron 2, which has cast its first two female leads. That's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg of what will be many updates, rumors and speculation about Tron 2 for the next year, because even though it's supposed to be shooting in the spring, it won't be released until 2010. And that means a lot of fanboys huddled close to a warm computer monitor, x-ing out the days on the calendar.

movie where he gets to make his patented super-serious Harrison Ford Face.

Rob Zombie is making a sequel to Halloween. Actually, to his remake of Halloween. Big news, I know. So let's let the cinematic auteur speak for himself:

"I was so burned out. (But) I took a long break, made a record and I got excited again. Now, we'll be hauling ass, and that's the problem making a movie called 'Halloween': If you come out Nov. 1 or after, nobody cares. If it was called anything else, I'd be fine."

Yes, if only he were directing the third installment of Bridget Jones' Diary, Rob could take his sweet time eliciting a winning performance from Renee Zellweger. But you degenerates just have to have your fucking Halloween

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