Relationship killer: how many people have you slept with?

Love isn't the most sensible of emotions. I'd go so far as to say that love is the mentally handicapped cousin of reason. There's just something about being in a relationship that causes you to ask stupid  questions you don't want to know the answers to.

"Were you thinking of Mathew McConaughey the last time we had sex?"

"How big is my junk compared to the other one's you've seen?"

"Have I put on weight?"

At the beginning of the relationship, when you're still high off the fumes of a smoking hot one-night-stand, you can abstain from these stupid questions. But the more this person keeps hanging around, the more lust turns into love, the more you have to know about your partner's sexual history before you can start planning a future with them. There are plenty of stupid questions, but there's one that is virtual relationship Armageddon. For some reaons it always comes whe you're least expsecint it, after a sweaty session of sex when your lying on your back, pleased with how amazing you are in bed, she drops the bomb.  "Sweety, how many people have you slept with?"

Unless you were a virgin before you met, or you both have porn star numbers, nothing positive can come from knowing the answer to this question. When entering a sexual relationship, there are only two things you really need to know: A) "Are you bringing any infectious STDs to the party?" and B) "Am I the only one you're sleeping with currently?"

I was with this one woman who was amazing at first, as they all our. We both agreed that our former sex partners had no business being discussed in our relationship. That didn’t last.  She caved months later, saying she needed to know.  I stupidly told her. Numbers were crunched, lists were compared and things went seemingly well.  We had the same number, basically: more than one but less than a hundred. Then things fell apart months later when she casually mentioned that she counted oral sex as sex. Who does that?  Suddenly my number was 3 times hers. I should have just shook my head and agreed with her, but I had to be honest. Our relationship ended quicker than virginity in a whorehouse.

You may be thinking there's no solution—that something about love forces us to ask questions we really don't want to know the answers to, but I have the answer. Buy a gun. Every time you want to know about your partner's sexual past, shoot yourself in the foot. Unless she has slept with someone close to you, or used to hook, or had an ex who shared needles, your better off arguing about politics, or religion, or how many children you want to have. The answer will only break up your relationship faster than crabs. Tell yourself that your partner couldn't have possibly slet with as many people as you. No one is that charming. And even if she did sleep with Mathew McConaughey, he obviosuly wasn't as good as you or she'd still be with him. If your partner asks you, explain to her that no good can come of comparing numbers. If she insists, lie.

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