I´ve been a librarian for more than a decade, and I live, whether I have meant to or not, a sort of Dewey Decimal Classification™ life. You may recall it from grade school or Tori Amos´ ¨Tales of A Librarian¨ compilation, but I live it. Most days I walk through carefully organized stacks of books with a variety of ideas, experiences, histories and even joy. I treat my life experiences with the same care. Here are some of my favorite ¨Deweys:¨
000 GENERALITIES/ LIBRARY SCIENCES: BEST LIBRARIAN
Shannon Bennet-Manross, Tampa-Hillsborough Public Library System
If I had a dime for every time a person asked me if I read all day or shelved books, I´d finally have enough money to pay for my master´s degree. From economic to social and even recreational needs, librarians curate the community´s intellectual wealth. For my taxpayer dollars, Shannon is the best of the best. She´s lobbied in Tallahassee for library funding for nearly a decade, served in high-profile spots both in local and national organizations, and developed and promoted original education positive programming. Plus, she sings like an angel in her church choir and she´s even a regular at Daytona´s Bike Week on her own bike. You don´t know what a librarian is until you´ve walked an 80-hour workweek in her decidedly unsensible shoes.
100 PHILOSOPHY: BEST PLACE TO WAX IT
Drift In
In Greek, philosophos simply means lover of wisdom. Beyond Plato´s Philosophy at the Academy and Zeno´s Painted Porch, are the aesthetics of the Philosophy of the Barstool. A particularly democratic brand of conversation practiced by any one who can keep from falling off one and survive the heated flow of bullshit to find the shining essence of what makes the poop fertile. The Drift In´s U-shaped bar promotes the sort of discourse that wounds, enlightens, suspends belief and promotes a higher consciousness. Or maybe it´s the cheap, cold beer.
Drift In, 20 Bridge St., Bradenton Beach, 941-756-2852.
200 RELIGION: BEST PLACE TO LOSE IT
Gasparilla Parade Day
Even I disparaged it. I´ve listened to people call it Mardi Gras-lite and didn´t defend it. For that I am remorseful and seek full forgiveness. I have finally seen the light. Gasparilla is the best filthy fun debauch to submerge the fate of your eternal soul in. I skip the actual parade, start drinking at 6 a.m. and hang out on Davis Islands to watch the invasion. Forty pairs of boobs, 20 ass cracks and 15 man parts later I´m hoofing it to the downtown parties in a fevered ecstasy. The old religions all had days to let loose and be free. Gasparilla is Tampa´s official, boob-popping, zipper-loosening, open-container orgy. Baptize yourself in the transformative powers of the party.
600 MEDICINE: BEST-LOOKING EYE DOC EVER
Sal Musumeci
A side effect of open-air, wide-out WOO-HOO Jeep driving is hair whipping. The things hair can do to a cornea are quite painful and demand the immediate care of a physician. The five weeks I had to visit Dr. Sal were some of the best of my life. During each appointment we´d go through a ritual. ¨Look at my ear,¨ he would direct, staring into the wrecked canopy of my cornea. ¨Look at my chin,¨ he´d order. Oh, what a chin, I would think. It took my personal fantasy of playing doctor to giddy new heights. By the fifth week I was able to see clearly enough to look at his wedding ring and be kicked back into the 20-20 life.
Sal Musumeci, O.D., Prado Vision and Lasik Center, 7522 N. Himes Ave., Tampa, 813-931-0500.
700 ARTS/RECREATION: BEST FITNESS DEAL FOR THE COMMITTMENT PHOBIC
Joe Abrahams Fitness & Wellness Center
$10 a month with no contracts or hidden fees. Straight up. You can´t beat this deal brought to you by the City of Tampa Parks & Recreation Department. This modest fee allows access to the weight and cardiovascular equipment room and discounts on classes — classes that don´t usually go over $7/class to begin with. From yoga to Zen Qi Gong to line dancing, there is something going on every weekday. The drawbacks: It isn´t open weekends and some of the equipment looks like it belongs on Venice´s muscle beach. But if it was good enough for the Arnold, it is good enough for me.
Joe Abrahams Fitness & Wellness Center, 5212 Interbay Blvd., Tampa, 813-832-1207.
800 LITERATURE/ WRITING: BEST PLACE TO BEGIN WRITING YOUR OWN NOVEL
Florida Motor Vehicle Services
Any time you get a number like E695 and sit in a room the size of a high school auditorium, you know you are in for a fascinating glimpse into true human character. Add in seats that would make al Qaeda talk without any sexual humiliation, and you´ve got yourself a potent cocktail for drama. You would never believe the diseases a person could have and still walk, talk, drive, reproduce and have enough energy to pitch a full-body fit. Confession moves faster than Laura Bush at a Texas four way stop.
Florida Motor Vehicle Services, 9309 N. Florida Ave., Suite 111, Tampa, 813-635-5200.
900 GEOGRAPHY/ TRAVEL: BEST ROUTE TO THE PAST
County Road 595, Hernando County
For an amazing road trip back in time, escape U.S 19 at a plain little sign that points to Aripeka. County Road 595 ends at Pine Island and goes through Sunday biker hotspot Bayport. I´m not on the road for the destination. I love the small hairpin curves, the honey soft 25 m.p.h. and the view of blue-green tidal plains. At high tide, water hugs part of the road. Men with man breasts fish off tiny bridges. Old Dixie Highway, a limestone road that shoots off 595, leads back to Hudson and nearly dead ends at one of my favorite watering holes. It´s the one with the lime green fish outlined in red neon sitting sublime on the roof.
This article appears in Sep 22-28, 2004.