The beaches that skirt the Tampa Bay region are about as apolitical as you can get. Most locals and visitors are unwilling to engage in discussions regarding electoral politics or ideology. Some keep their worldviews closely guarded; many just don’t give a shit.
There are, however, a couple of things about which all beach-dwellers passionately care: the beach itself (whether it’s careless litter, sleazy development or just an overabundance of seaweed, you just don’t mess with it), and their booze (don’t tell them where or when they can drink — seriously).
If you scored a hotel room or couch somewhere along the Tampa Bay beaches, know that you’re extremely fortunate. But you still need to know which places are prime locations for your revelry.
That’s where this guide comes in.
The Tampa Bay region has some of the most amazing beaches in the country, some of which have even gained international accolades. Here is how to make the most of them.
FIND YOUR BEACH
Chances are you flew into Tampa International and rented a car, or rolled in as part of a convoy of vans long enough to stretch to the state line. You probably didn’t bother to look at maps of this place ahead of time, but don’t worry — nobody ever does.
Once you’re here and lost, you’ll notice that you can’t exactly walk to the Tampa Convention Center from your gulf-side hotel suite. Most Tampa Bay beaches are in Pinellas County, which is the peninsula due west of Tampa that’s home to St. Petersburg and Clearwater. The beaches themselves are a series of narrow, eroding barrier islands paralleling the mainland.
State Road 60 gets you to Clearwater. Interstate-275 gets you to St. Pete, where you can catch one of several westbound roads to the water. With a few exceptions, Gulf Boulevard is the main north-south artery out on the beach.
YOU GET AROUND
If you haven’t already read about it in the national press, you’ll notice that public transit here is absolutely terrible. There are a few options, though:
The Beach Trolley. This is taxpayer-funded transportation, so Republicans may want to skip it out of principal. The “trolley” is actually a bus that goes from Pass-A-Grille (to the south) to downtown Clearwater (to the north). About that taxpayer funding: There isn’t much of it, which means the trolley doesn’t run late into the evening. Be prepared and look up ride times at psta.net.
Free Beach Rides. The Pinellas beaches have seen an influx of golf carts touting free rides (you’re supposed to tip, though). Unlike the trolley, the golf carts run into the wee hours. There are but two catches: Most of these services cover a limited area, and if you try to get one right at last call, you face a best-case 45-minute wait. You can schedule door-to-door service at 727-776-7553. An alternative is Jimmie’s Free Beach Rides, which can be reached at 727-217-6935.
THE BASICS
You’re stuck on the beach. Now what? Time to familiarize yourself with these key establishments:
For provisions: Publix. It’s where Floridians buy oranges grown in California. There’s one about every five minutes on Gulf Boulevard, except for the condo canyon that stretches between Madeira and Clearwater beaches.
For sunscreen and cheaply made souvenirs: You could acquire these at one of the beaches’ versions of the Big Box Store (Surf Style or the like), which are slightly more respectable than setting foot in a Wal-Mart, though you might as well get your Made In China beach-themed mementos at one of the mom & pop surf shops, such as Surf Shack (St. Pete Beach), Lenny’s (ditto), or Suncoast (Treasure Island). For the sporty visitors, most of these places rent stand-up paddleboards, beach cruisers and scooters.
For a good meal: You’ll find a range of options — too many to list, especially when it comes to seafood. There is an abundance of Thai places that also serve sushi. (Thai-Am II on Madeira Beach and Nori Thai on St. Pete Beach are among the best.) Excellent Mexican can be found at Casa Tina in Dunedin and Café Agave on St Pete Beach, and you can even find Russian food at St. Petersburg Nights in St. Pete Beach. Any delegates from Minsk?
For any kind of meal after you’ve tied one on something fierce: Most restaurants on the beach close at 10 p.m., and bars that serve food tend to stop doing so around the same time. Those staying in or around St. Pete Beach have an easy go-to: Vito and Michael’s, an Italian joint that slings pizza and fettucine alfredo to just before dawn (4 a.m., to be exact). It sure beats Doritos from the hotel vending machine.
For breakfast the morning after: Beverly’s La Croisette on St. Pete Beach is hands down the best, and they even have a vegan option. Get there early, as there’ll probably be a long wait, especially during RNC week.
For entertainment: The convention will probably have you occupied most of the time, but if you’re sticking around for a few extra days — or leaving a spouse and offspring back at the hotel while you're off conventioneering — you’ll want to know about our many compelling local attractions. Forget about Busch Gardens, Adventure Island, and Giraffe Ranch — if you’re staying on the beach, you’re a solid 45 minutes away from them all, and that’s without RNC-related gridlock. Better to head to downtown St. Petersburg, home to the world-renowned Dalí Museum and dozens of arts, music, and dining hotspots crammed into a relatively small square radius downtown. You can reach St. Pete’s urban core with a 20-minute drive or a 45-minute trolley ride.
BEACH BLANKET? BINGO!
Pull up a towel and a cooler, throw some Lee Greenwood on the iPod, and consider yourself extremely lucky, because wherever you are along this string of islands that skirt the Tampa Bay region, you are on some of the most gorgeous and apparently non-contaminated beaches in the country. Any public beach access along this 20-plus-mile stretch yields great rewards. Our only warning is to use discretion when boozing — Treasure Island is the only beach upon which you can legally drink.
Here are some of the most noteworthy beaches:
Need to get away from the hordes of raging politicos? Head to Honeymoon Island State Park (1 Causeway Blvd., Dunedin, 727-469-5942). Just northwest of Clearwater, Honeymoon Island is a popular spot, but it’s still big enough that you can have your own space. Bonus: The hiking trails are excellent for birding. Or for an even more remote escape, take the ferry or paddle a kayak to Caladesi Island, located off the coast of Dunedin (Check out floridastateparks.org/caladesiisland for more info). Despite the back-to-nature milieu, Caladesi still features a marina with electric and water hookups, a snack bar, a gift shop (of course), and picnic tables and shelters located near the beach that can be reserved for a small fee.
For the non-crowd-phobic, Clearwater Beach is your best bet — not a life-changing experience or anything, but still a prime spot to to keep you and the fam occupied. Stick around into the evening for Sunsets at Pier 60, a nightly event featuring vendors and performers until dark. And just south of Clearwater Beach is Sand Key Park, with wide beaches, trails, and even lifeguards. Like Honeymoon/Caladesi, it’s among a small handful of undeveloped beaches in this area that also have facilities. So it’s rustic … but not too rustic.
The widest beaches you’ll find are on the main portion of Treasure Island — right where St. Pete’s Central Avenue more or less dead-ends into the water. This is the only beach where you can legally booze (in most areas, be sure you’re in the right place), as long as your libation isn’t contained by glass. Speaking of legal boozing, Sunset Beach is seemingly its own town but is technically a part of Treasure Island. Unlike the rest of T.I., there’s a stretch where you can’t legally drink during the day (8 a.m. to 6 p.m.), so pay attention to the signage. South of famed beachfront restaurant Caddy’s (where you can drink on the beach — it’s a long story), Sunset offers some of the mellowest beachgoing around. The area south of the beach access at 80th Avenue will be of interest to Log Cabin Republicans, LGBT activists in town for the week, and certain conservative delegates in search of a personal awakening.
The Don CeSar, a large, historic pink monstrosity that’s also a local icon, marks the official southern terminus of Gulf Boulevard. Just to the south of “The Don” is beautiful Pass-A-Grille Beach, the northern part of which is known for kite surfing, the southern part for hard chillin’. Adding to Pass-A-Grille’s appeal is an extremely charming neighborhood with bars, restaurants and shops that parallels the coast.
South county visitors will also find remoteness at Fort DeSoto Park, which boasts award-winning beaches, an historic fort, a ferry to also-historic Egmont Key, and even a clothing-optional beach (situated on a narrow spit that runs north of North Beach). Unless you’re on foot/a bicycle, the county charges you $5 to get in.
SAVE THE DOLPHINS (AND THE BIRDS)
While the shoreline is the main attraction, the non-water adjacent part of the beaches has some attractions that hold their own.
Clearwater Marine Aquarium. This facility got a major facelift during the filming of Dolphin Tale, the success of which sparked a mass pilgrimage to the aquarium. Winter, the tail-less dolphin at the center of the film’s plot, is still here, as are many other injured sea turtles, dolphins and otters. 249 Windward Passage, Clearwater, seewinter.com.
Suncoast Seabird Sanctuary. Another spot nursing wounded creatures back to health, this outdoor sanctuary features hundreds of rescued cormorants, pelicans and albatrosses, as well as non-seabirds like owls and bluebirds. Admission is free for this 41-year-old nonprofit, though donations are appreciated. 18328 Gulf Blvd., Indian Shores, seabirdsanctuary.com.
BEACH PARTY
Good news for people who like to party: The beach welcomes you, regardless of whether you love Ayn Rand or think she was Totally. Fucking. Warped. Drinking establishments line these beaches. Many offer live music, some of it great. Here are some of the highlights:
Ka’Tiki Sunset Beach. Paul Ryan would probably never set foot in this unabashed, thatched-roof blues dive on Treasure Island’s Sunset Beach. In fact, due to its popularity among bikers and fearless beach folk, few douchebags would. There’s live music pretty much every night of the week, with astonishingly talented bluegrass outfit Cornfused playing from 6-10 p.m. on Sundays. 8803 W. Gulf Blvd., Treasure Island, katikisunsetbeach.com.
Jimmy B’s Beach Bar. This is, for the most part, a politically neutral default in the middle of St. Pete Beach. There’s live music every night. Notable acts during the GOP onslaught include Anchor Atlantic (Sun., Aug, 26, 7:30 p.m.-1 a.m.) and The Flats (Sun., Sept. 3, 2-7:30 p.m.). 6200 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach, FL, beachcomberflorida.com/entertainment.asp.
Sloppy Pelican. You can dock your yacht at this two-story eatery, which offers live music, waterfront dining, and a tank where you can grab your own lobster with a mechanical claw. Go here on Thursday, when you can catch Florida Folk Night on the first floor’s waterfront deck. Host Pete Gallagher brings in acts from across the state — many playing original, often political music. 677 75th Ave. St. Pete Beach, sloppypelican.com.
PCI Beach Bar & Snack Shack. Located behind the über-hip Postcard Inn on the Beach, PCI is adjacent to Jimmy B’s. There is live music nightly, but Sunday afternoons, when super-talented three-piece Shakemode let loose their funky tendencies, is a highly recommended time to patronize. 6300 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach, postcardinn.com.
Undertow Beach Bar. All you need to know about this open-air drinkery is that it offers a surprising array of craft and import beer, there’s also a rooftop deck, and live music is a frequent occurrence. 3850 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach, undertowbeachbar.com.
Shephard’s Beach Resort. According to this Clearwater Beach-front establishment’s website, Shephard’s is holding a multi-day homage to Republicans and the bands that have long dominated mainstream radio, including The Eagles and Lynyrd Skynyrd. 619 S. Gulfview Blvd., Clearwater Beach, shephards.com.
Brown Boxer. Despite being relatively new, the Boxer has already made a name for itself as a worthy drinking establishment. The musical acts it regularly lands don’t lie: on Thurs., August 30th, high-energy band The Flats will play from 10:30 p.m.-2:30 a.m., traversing a bizarre range of musical ground including “Call Me Maybe” and a well-executed “You Can Call Me Al” (complete with bass solo and all). 483 Mandalay Ave., Clearwater Beach, thebrownboxer.com.
