Savage Love: Short and sweet

Dan lets his readers do the typing

Do you think post-op transgender people have any obligation to tell their lovers they were once the other sex?

On The Fence


I'm in my 40s and straight. My wife of nine years is no longer interested in sex. Period. She relents every few weeks, but it's never enjoyable for either of us. As a result, I haven't had a blowjob in about eight years, I can't touch her beautiful tits, kissing is without tongue, and our rare sex is missionary and in the dark. I'm miserable.

I believe she's depressed. She refuses to get help, saying that if only I would do this or that, she would be more willing. But I do this and that, and she's still not interested. After a lot of talking, she suggested that I find a girlfriend for sex. However, she set conditions that were unrealistic: She wanted to meet and approve of her before I slept with her; and I could only see this other person late at night, with the wife's permission, which would only be granted after ALL other family obligations were satisfied (kids in bed, bills paid, trash taken out, etc.). I preferred a "don't ask, don't tell" approach. She then withdrew the idea entirely. I proceeded to meet and sleep with several different women anyway, and I am now seeing one regularly. Sex is enjoyable again.

My question: I know that people would say I am cheating on my wife, but am I wrong to feel just as cheated by her?

Need Some Answers


You are a terrible person who shouldn't be allowed to give advice to anyone about anything. Whose idea was it to give an asshole faggot like you an advice column, anyway? You're a stupid piece of shit who doesn't know anything about sex or the human heart, and you will regret everything you've ever done and every word you've ever written once you die and have to stand before your Creator.

God Hates You

Maybe so.

I know you don't like the praise e-mails, but you're just going to have to bend over and take this one.

This weekend, I had sex after a long relationship, a breakup, and a full year with no dick. And the sex was TERRIBLE. He wasn't at all willing to do the things I needed him to do for me, even though I was very kind and playful and upbeat about all the great ways there were to please me. No, he was just in a major hurry to cram his dick in me and then go to sleep.

I gave him another chance this weekend, Dan, and I got the same treatment. So I got my ass out of his bed and caught a cab home. As I stood there in the rain at 4 a.m. on a Chicago street corner, with wet hair and shoes and panties, I thought about you, Dan, and how if I'd never started listening to your podcast and reading your column, I'd be one of those girls who this guy has no doubt dated in the past, a girl who just lies there and pretends to get off on his dick alone, never says a word about her needs, and just accepts bad sex as a given.

I dumped the motherfucker already, Dan, so I'm single, 26, GGG, and ready to take on this city's male population. Thanks for schooling me on how to detect the assholes, and how to be vocal about my own needs!


We bend and take to please, J. Thanks for sharing.

A long time ago I experienced, late one nite, roasted, drunk, blah, blah, blah!!! This brother picked me up and drove me to his place and screwed me good. He said I was hot!!! I really liked it, had an anal orgasm!!! It was indescribable. I loved it!!! He gave me his number. But I was too shy to call back. Never saw him again. So I bought dildos and proceeded to fuck myself and get drunk or high (weed) every night!!! What does that make me? Closet drunk? Closet English cigarette? I like pussy, too! Whatzup?!

Anonymously Me

I don't have the faintest idea!!!

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