Savage Love: The politics of gay rights

When to support a candidate who doesn't support you.

I'm a 28-year-old heterosexual male with a politics question and a sex question. I've seen you on television talking about the shitty job President Obama has done on gay rights so far. My question is this: Obama said he was against gay marriage during the campaign. How could you support a candidate who sees your love as worth less than heterosexual love? I'm surprised that you were such an ardent supporter of someone who doesn't believe that gay and lesbian couples deserve to marry. If I were gay, I'd automatically dismiss any candidate who didn't support full equality for gay people. Hell, I'm straight and I'm pretty close to doing that.

Also: I recently slept with a woman who squirted when she came. She demanded that I pull out when she began to come. Is there some reason women who squirt don't want a dick inside them when they do? Curious if you had any insight on this.

Love the column,

Pro Equality And Chicks Ejaculating

During the Democratic primary, I was fond of saying that I was "for Clinton or Obama or both." So I wouldn't describe myself as an ardent Obama supporter. But I was pretty in the tank by the time of the election. And like most gays and lesbians, I've been severely disappointed by President Obama's refusal to move on the promises that candidate Obama made to the gay and lesbian community. I was willing to be patient, though — until the Obama administration compared gay marriage to incest and child rape when arguing for the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. That's when I blew my big gay stack.

But that doesn't answer your question: Why would I support a candidate who views my love for my partner as somehow inferior to his love for his wife? Because I'm not an idiot. Because I'm not a single-issue voter and Obama was better on other issues — on gay issues and every other issue — than his Republican opponent. Because politics is about the art of the possible and, I'm sorry, Dennis Kucinich just wasn't possible.

As for the squirtin' ladies: I talked to three, and all three said that the contractions they experience as they ejaculate are so intense — and so "outward directed" in the words of one — that they want everything out at once: their come and anything else that should happen to be in 'em when they blow their loads. Added one of my friends: "He had a squirter right there in front of him — why didn't he ask her? She has some insight on it, no doubt."

What is the proper condom etiquette for threesomes?

In my case, I'm a guy and it would be with two girls. Do I change condoms when I go from one girl to the other? It seems like that would be a hassle. It'd kill the spontaneity.

No Clever Acronym

First, a general point: Spontaneity is overrated. The best sex often requires advance planning; the more people involved, or props involved, the more planning required. Although threesomes, for example, can sometimes "just happen" (often when three young people "just happen" to get drunk), most threesomes require some advance planning (particularly when adults want to have them). Finding the third, vetting the third, establishing the ground rules, talking about safety, etc. — all of that requires advance planning.

On to your specific question, NCA: You are going to have to change condoms when you hop from one girl to the other. Unless, of course, you're a total asshole and you only care about protecting your own health and you don't give a shit about exposing Girl A to any sexually transmitted infections that Girl B might have, or vice versa. Neither girl should sleep with you if you refuse to swap out condoms, and you should remind yourself that, just as Paris was worth the hassle of a mass, realizing the No. 1 straight-male fantasy of all time is worth the hassle of swapping out condoms.

But you do have another option: the female condom. It's a condom that she wears. I've used them — with dudes — and once you get past the slightly creepy trash-can-liner aspect of using them, they work fine. Stuff one in each girl, and you'll be able hop back and forth to your heart's content without pausing to change condoms. There's more info about the female condom at

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