1. Stupid tattoos: I'm a huge fan of tattoos, and actually have a few myself, but if you have a green alien tattooed on your chest or a bar code on your neck, you might as well get another one that reads "Don't bother having sex with this idiot."
2. A sweater of chest hair: Your suit of body hair doesn't make you like a cuddly teddy bear. When a woman says this to you, what she's really saying is, "I in no way find you sexually attractive but I don't want to hurt your feelings so I'll compare you to something cute, and nonsexual." If your chest hair has spread to your back, it's time to visit the waxer. Stop crying about how much of a hassle waving is. At least you have something that can be fixed with relative ease.
This article appears in Jan 20-26, 2010.