Sat. July 11. The Penis Diatribes. After being censored by TBPAC, Ruth Eckerd Hall, and several other local theaters, "The Penis Diatribes: it's harder than you think being a dick," hits the stage. Michael Matteo conceived the work after reading the acclaimed "Vagina Monologues" and wondering why a similar play hadn't been written from the male perspective. "The Penis Diatries" follows a man on New Year's Eve as he reflects on his many failed relationships and realizes that all of his shortcomings are tied to his penis. Entering into a dialogue with his member, he discovers that it dominates his entire life. This comedy begs the question, "how much say does a penis have in a man's decision-making process?" 11:30pm. $15. Carrollwood Players 4335 Gunn Highway Tampa, FL.
Wed. July 15. Peek A Boo Lounge Burlesque Show. Orlando's Stardust Lounge offers an escape from the traditional bar scene. Here you're encouraged to stare at the women, at least the ones on stage. BabyBlue, Tymisha, Lollie, Vita Devoid, and Myra all take turns on stage, performing in the VarieTease shows. 10pm. $5. 21+. Stardust Lounge. 431 East Central Blvd Orlando, FL 32801.
Wed. July 15. Pornaoke at the Pegasus. There's no better way to spend a Wednesday night than watching your friends karaoke while grainy porn plays on the wall behind them. If the songs don't have you laughing or moving, then the adult films will. The Pegasus Lounge. 10pm. 10008 N. 30th St Tampa.
Sat. July 18. The grand opening of The Quest's exercise room and play area. Work out your kinks with the Quest's newest toys: free weights, a bowflex, and an inversion Bondage table. The Quest. 12517 66th St. N. Largo, FL 33773.
Sat. July 18. Taboo Swinger's Sexy Superhero Party. It's time to go into the phone booth and don your alter egos, because it's time for Taboo's Sexy Superhero Party!!! Come dressed as your favorite superhero or create your own caped crusader. Space is limited. Reserve your space now. tabooswingers.com. 9pm. Orlando.
Sat. July 18. Caliente's Eyes Wide Shut Party. $20. Includes midnight Buffet. Caliente Resort 21240 Gran Via Blvd. Land O Lakes, FL 34637.
Sun. July 19. Clothing Optional Party. Pool, hot tub, sauna, camping, vendors, foam pit. $15-$25. The Riverboat Club. 6901 Caliente Blvd., Land O Lakes FL.