Sex Bites: a 96-year-old hooker, car sex foiled at gunpoint, pants-less panty burglar sentenced...

there is still a Florida law on the books that prohibits sex with porcupines. Read more at kztv10.com


-[image-1]Two teachers suspended from school after bringing their sex tape to class: In London, assistant headteacher Tim Edwards, 46, and classroom assistant Angela Thornhill, 50, were suspended from work after a video on a school computer was discovered of what looks like Thornhill performing a sexual act on a seated Edwards. School officials have yet to confirm if the video does in fact feature the two teachers, if the scene was filmed on school grounds, and if any of their students had access to the video. Also, there's no word on if either of the teachers were sex-ed instructors or if this was meant as an instructional video. Read more at dailymail.co.uk


-96-year-old hooker still going strong: Milly Cooper, 96, claims she has slept with 3,500 men in her life and still has regular clients between 29 and 92 who pay up to £800 to be with her. Cooper started working as an escort in the US after her husband died during WWII in 1945. She had moved to Las Vegas from London to be with her wealthy American man but was left with a infant daughter and no regular income. After working as an escort, she became a madam, handling bookings for several women, and continued in this occupation when she married her second husband. After a 25-year break, she decided it was time to get back in the saddle. Read more at metro.co.uk


-Foiled car sex almost draws fire from an officer: A North Carolina Sheriff’s deputy was responding to another call at 9:36 p.m. when he noticed something of more importance: a red 2003 Chevrolet Cavalier parked suspiciously in an empty stadium lot. When the deputy stopped to investigate the car sped away, leading the officer on a 85 mph pursuit for a mile and a half. The car pulled over and the deputy approached.  The driver Charles Eric Mance Jr., 18, emerged naked, provoking the deputy to draw his gun. While Mance's 17-year-old female companion was released, Mance was cited with the felony of fleeing to elude, careless and wreckless driving, failure to stop for a stop sign, failure to burn headlights, and no seatbelt. Let this be a warning to all you car sex enthusiasts. If a cop arrives, don't speed away and certainly don't provoke him by getting out of the car naked. Read more at salisburypost.com


-Why you should always choose streaking over shoplifting: After Irwin Krakow, 58, was arrested for shoplifting at a New Jersey Walmart, he gave police an inventive though sad excuse for his crime: he lost a bet. Krakow told police he lost a wager that came with a choice of two penalties: stealing $50 worth of items from Walmart or running naked through the street. Krakow allegedly lamented that the fine would be less for the nudity. Instead of trying to steal one $50 item, he went for what seems like a grocery cart full of items including a USB card, two spoons, a nutcracker, a decorative tree, and T-shirts. Unfortunately his loot only totaled $43 and since he didn't get away with the crime, it's unclear whether his loan sharks will honor this as fulfillment of the bet. Read more nj.com


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-Pants-less panty burglar receives a year in prison: A Michigan man who broke into a woman's home and was caught naked from the waist down holding a pair of pink panties has been sentenced to a year in jail. Jayson K. Berde, 35, was charged with second-degree home invasion, resisting, and obstructing a police officer causing injury. For pleading guilty, Berde's initial charge of first-degree home invasion was dropped. The officer suffered minor abrasions trying to apprehend Berde, but I suspect Berde's punishment was so harsh due to the psychological injuries the officer sustained after chasing and possibly tackling the pants-less panty thief. Read more at freep.com

-No sex with porcupines for Floridians: Maybe it's just me, but it seems like common sense not to stick your genitals anywhere near a creature that is outfitted with an arsenal of needle-sharp quills. Apparently the animal's defenses haven't always been enough to dissuade sex starved Floridians in search of a good time as

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