Everyone remembers Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's christening, right?
King Pitt and Queen Jolie assembled a royal ball, a celebration for all in the land. Celebrities came from 'round the globe, offering blessings and gifts — but just before one of the three good fairies (was it Nathan Lane?) could bestow his blessing, a dark cloud appeared. It was Jennifer Aniston, horrified that her invitation had been lost in the mail.
She cursed the princess with death — a death brought on by touching a spinning wheel's spindle before the sun would set on her sixteenth birthday. Thankfully the good fairy was at least able to lighten the curse, perhaps with song and dance, and the prick of the spindle would only cause the princess to fall into a deep sleep until awakened by true love's kiss.
Or maybe that was Sleeping Beauty.
Either way, the first-born daughter of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt was never destined to lead a normal life. Would the sheer attractiveness of Pitt and Jolie cancel itself out, or would she become the next Queen of Hollywood? (Insert Megan Fox's contempt.)
This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2010.