BACKASSWARDS
RYAN SEACREST GETTING A STAR ON HOLLYWOOD'S WALK OF FAME
Somewhere, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse get up off their couches and begin their pre-performance warm-up stretches.
THE NEW CVS PHARMACY JINGLE
"Red, red, red-red-reddy-red." Possibly even stupider than UPS' "What can brown do for you?"
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR SUES SOMETHINGAWFUL.COM FOR LIBEL
Just like Bill O'Reilly suing Al Franken, only funnier.
PROTESTERS WIN ABUSE SETTLEMENT FROM CITY OF MIAMI
Whose rectums? OUR rectums!
CARTOON-FRIDGE.COM
Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama and Jetsons episodes for free. Prepare to never accomplish anything.
SHOWDOG MOMS AND DADS
Regularly squeezing the crud out of your dogs' anal glands – now that's entertainment!
RATZINGER vs. RATZENBERGER
At least Cliff Clavin would have brought something innovative to the papacy.
WAL-MART TO PAY FOR GANDY EXPANSION IF PESKY COMMUNITY WILL SHUT UP
Superchain promises to "not literally pave up anyone's ass. Only close."
NEW FOOD PYRAMID UNVEILED
Masses already paying "little to no attention."
CITIZEN VERDICT
Armand Assante and Jerry Springer in the same movie. Which one's slumming?
-Compiled by Weekly Planet staff.
This article appears in Apr 27 – May 3, 2005.