It's Thursday. Do you know what that means? I think you know what that means.
A St. Petersburg man reportedly shot himself in the thigh accidentally while trying to ditch a stolen gun during a police pursuit early Wednesday morning. If you've ever searched for a perfect real-world example of the phrase "adding insult to injury," it's hard to find a better one than shooting yourself in the thigh accidentally while trying to ditch a stolen gun during a police pursuit. (Anyone pointing out that this is technically adding injury to insult will be shot in the thigh.)
Remember the new baby giraffe born revealed at Busch Gardens on Thanksgiving? He has a name, and it's... not Giblet. It's not Giblet the Giraffe. What the hell is wrong with the world? It's Quinn. Fine. Hi, Quinn.
And finally, as part of its ongoing attempt to roll back even the most obscure triumphs of the Obama administration, almost as if to try to erase the fact that an African American once held the nation's highest office, the Trump administration is getting rid of the former president's mandate that sodium in school lunches be reduced to lower (read: not actively dangerous) levels. Yeah, that's a thing they did. While the world is on the brink of nuclear annihilation and Congress can't get a fucking thing done and apparently every man over 40 is an uninvited-dick-revealer. They took a minute to make kids less healthy. OK, maybe that's a more perfect real-world example of adding insult to injury. BOOM! CALLBACK! See you tomorrow.
