Sh*t happened 12/16/15: GOP debate, bicoastal bomb threats, Birmingham fisticuffs (is my new band's name)

This morning, let's look beyond our own communities for the sake of assuring ourselves that it's not just us, OK?

A bunch of folks who think there's a swarthy-skinned devil hiding under their bed with a dirty bomb went on national TV and engaged in what can only be described as the world's most embarrassing "your mama so fat"-style name-calling competition. Candidate options preferable to all of them: an old Casio calculator watch; olive loaf; those two bluejays that fight constantly over that one tree in your yard.

Both of yesterday's bicoastal bomb threats — the one in LA that got all the schools closed and the one in NYC that didn't — seem to have originated from a porny-named email service associated with one of the internet's most heavily dickbag-populated environs. Our next move in securing ourselves against terrorism? Paying racist 17-year-olds to tell old white men whether or not something might be a shitty joke.

And finally, a Birmingham, AL city councilman got into a physical altercation with the mayor during a meeting; both went to the hospital, and it looks like each is charging the other with assault. See, this is why you punch public servants in public instead of going into a room to "privately discuss your differences." Transparency in government, people.

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