Welcome to Wednesday, the temporal equivalent of a frozen family dinner for four whose packaging literally says stuff like "Eats, Kind Of!" and "Goes in your stomach with a minimum of fuss" and "Flavor: Meh."
Media ratings company Nielsen expanded on its lawsuit and allegations of data manipulation and tampering against Bubba The Love Sponge Clem, adding more instances of tampering to the original one. Hint: Just have somebody walk through the parking lot during interviews for new "Nielsen households," checking for "Bubba Army" stickers.
Hillsborough cops asked the public for assistance in identifying the man who last month broke into a preschool and stole computers, TVs and a gaming console. Cops said he should be easily recognizable with his horns, wispy mustache, pointy tail and complete lack of anything resembling humanity.
And finally, to celebrate the birth of their daughter, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan announced they would be donating most of their $45 billion fortune in Facebook shares to philanthropic causes. The topic of discussion in hip Silicon Valley restaurants last night, of course, was whether or not a family could even actually get by on a paltry $1 billion or so in fake speculative money these days.