All right, people. This is the home stretch. It's time for one last big push, and before you know it, it'll be time to worry about what the hell you're gonna do for Valentine's Day.
FRIDAY, DEC. 16:
In the wake of the revelation that the agency paid terrible entertainer/skilled shill Pitbull a million dollars to tweet, Florida Governor Rick Scott formally requested that the head of Visit Florida resign. (He did.) This is what happens when a major marketing campaign is created by scrolling through your nephew's iPod in a panic 12 minutes before a meeting.
A Clearwater man pistol-whipped a guy in St. Petersburg and stripped him naked, stealing his clothes and phone. Was the Clearwater man in possession of crack cocaine when arrested? What the hell do you think?
SATURDAY, DEC. 17:
A 10-agency overnight DUI "wolf pack" initiative arrested 25 drivers, including a 47-year-old Pinellas County Sheriff's Office employee. Let this be a lesson to all of us: always, always eavesdrop at work.
SUNDAY, DEC. 18:
The Bucs lost to the Cowboys, ending their five-run streak and maybe risking their playoff chances. That I understood that whole sentence means maybe I've been doing this column too long.
And finally, Disney World announced it will be offering beer and wine selections at four more of the park's restaurants. Walt Disney, who originally banned all alcohol from the Magic Kingdom to preserve its family-friendly character, would be spinning in his grave, were he not actually frozen in a cryogenic tube, patiently awaiting global purification.
This article appears in Dec 15-22, 2016.