Are you still pretending to actually do work at work? Very initiative. Such loyal.
A couple in South Tampa says they have video of their dog walker not walking their dogs, but rather coming into their home and moving the leashes and doing other shit to make it look like the dogs were walked. I know it might sound kinda "first world problems" or whatever, but we're talking about loved ones and betrayed trust here. I say feed the walker to the dogs. It's the only way to be sure.
Also from the "Advantage, Taken" file: Polk County Sheriff Grady "Press Conference" Judd held a press conference yesterday about the woman who tried to scam Toys for Tots out of toys for more than 140 fictitious children using 28 falsified applications. I say feed her to the children. It's the only way to be sure.
A 10-foot Satanic pentagram erected in a Boca Raton park to protest a nearby nativity scene was destroyed in an act of vandalism. You know, by the super-tolerant folks whose spiritual leader instructed them to turn the other cheek. If you happen to be a grim, humorless, judgmental, devoutly religious person who doesn't get invited to a lot of parties, please — once a month or so, seriously ask yourself, "am I being persecuted for my beliefs, or am I just an asshole?"
And finally, remember that Lakeland lady who was fighting to keep her 6-foot alligator in her home? State officials said she can keep him. Huzzah! The obituary kind of writes itself, though.