Man poached tortoises for food, New Port Richey's new safe zone already pretty safe, Tampa Bay crime

It's your Sh*t Happened round-up.

click to enlarge Man poached tortoises for food, New Port Richey's new safe zone already pretty safe, Tampa Bay crime

Not only is it just Tuesday, but we're gonna make you think about Monday.

A man busted poaching federally protected gopher tortoises in Martin County admitted he was gonna take 'em home and eat 'em. I heard they taste like chicken. Lazy, dry, armor-plated chicken.

New Port Richey announced that it's creating a new "safe exchange zone" for picking up online purchases, child-custody exchanges and the like in the police department's parking lot. Because the police department's parking lot is apparently not enough of a safe exchange zone.

"Florida man climbs playground, curses at children." This doesn't even deserve Florida Man status — you gotta go a little bigger than Abe Simpson these days.

A Marion County woman who smiled widely in her mugshot while being booked on charges DUI with serious bodily injury enraged the victim's family, and is facing a much more serious charge since the victim died as a result of the injuries. "Smiling widely in your mugshot while being booked for something that seriously injured somebody else" should in and of itself carry mandatory prison time, no?

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