Sh*t Happened 1/29/18: Latvala investigation, man steals most conspicuous vehicle possible, Gasparilla arrest stats

Your selective and subjective weekend news round-up.

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click to enlarge Yo ho ho and public urination. - Pixabay.com
Pixabay.com
Yo ho ho and public urination.

Welcome to the week after the weekend that was.

FRIDAY, JAN. 26:

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement announced that it's conducting an investigation into disgraced former state senator Jack Latvala's alleged sexual misconduct. "Humph, he didn't do anything that hasn't been part of the way things are done in Tallahassee forever," said somebody who's probably a rapist. (Bonus: The judge whose report led to Latvala's resignation is named, no shit, Ron Swanson.)

Man Living Next to Golf Course Astonished by the Obvious, Inevitable.

SATURDAY, JAN. 27:

A 31-year-old man with multiple felony convictions stole a conspicuously painted and labeled fire department vehicle from a Lealman fire station for a joyride that ended at an Ulmerton Road fast-food restaurant. Subtle AND possessed of a taste for the finer things. Opulence — he has it.

SUNDAY, JAN. 28:

Hillsborough law enforcement entities released their arrest stats for Gasparilla on Sunday, and once again, the numbers were low — perhaps surprisingly so. Was nearly every arrest the direct result of somebody drinking too much? Yarrrgh.

And finally, the founder of Swedish furniture empire IKEA passed away at the age of 91. His casket was stylish and inexpensive, but it took four friends two hours and three bottles of wine to put together.

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