Sh*t Happened 1/8/18: Dumb crime, kumquat shortage, biker funeral less terrifying than advance promotion suggested

Welcome to Monday.

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click to enlarge A dearth of 'quats. - Pixabay.com
Pixabay.com
A dearth of 'quats.

Good morning, and happy Baby Pygmy Hippo Naming Day. Totes adorbs! Sigh.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 5:

This guy and this guy both got themselves arrested in Pinellas County for running into police vehicles while driving drunk. Only one of them, however, looks like a disarmingly benevolent cult leader in his mugshot.

This alleged scumbag has been charged with running a fake charity that claimed to help vets pay their utility bills. That's, um, a very special kind of evil.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 6:

Kumquat shortage alert: The largest kumquat grower in the country probably isn't going to have a lot of kumquats at Dade City's annual Kumquat Festival, due to losing many of its kumquat trees to disease and insects. Kumquat.

Hundreds of bikers attended the funeral of slain Outlaws chapter president Paul Anderson in Holiday. Nothing really happened in terms of widespread illegal activity, which sort of felt like a letdown after the Pasco sheriff spent the week being a bit of a fearmonger about it. Stupid media...

A 19-year-old woman was arrested and charged with starting a fire in the women's restroom of a Pinellas Park youth soccer complex. Hey News Channel 8, please don't call a 19-year-old a "teen" in a headline about a serious crime — this is not a listless kid who could be forgiven for not thinking through her actions, this is an adult who should be expected to know that doing a destructive dumbshit thing is, well, doing a destructive dumbshit thing.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 7:

And finally, the Lightning beat the Red Wings 5-2 in Detroit, and Yanni Gourde scored a "Gordie Howe hat trick" during the game, racking up two goals, an assist and a fight. Yeah, that's a thing they just made up, right?

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