Hello, Thursday. You look nice, but we've been fooled before — take it easy on us, willya? We've still got Wednesday echoing in our hearts.
An "unattended package" that caused a section of downtown Tampa to be shut down turned out to be a briefcase. Which is strange, because we would've assumed it was always a briefcase. Blowy-uppy things can be inside a briefcase. That would've made a better, clearer story: "a briefcase left in downtown Tampa was determined not to have any blowy-uppy things in it." You're welcome, journalism.
An 18-year-old south Florida man was arrested for impersonating a doctor, and charged with practicing medicine without a license (among other things). Why yes, the words "a gynecologist found him in an exam room wearing a hospital lab coat and stethoscope around his neck" do appear in the story — what state did you think you were in?
Clearwater Beach topped TripAdvisor's list of the best beaches in America. Their only quibble was having to navigate "one of those goddamned English roundy-round things" to get there.
And finally, bigoted pugilist Manny Pacquiao has lost his endorsement deal with Nike after making statements comparing gay men and women to animals (for, like, the fourth time) and then making pretty much the worst non-apology ever for it. The athletic gear company released a statement saying they were just really happy to not be on the shitty side of a story about social issues and equality for once.
