Sh*t happened 2/25/15: Zimmerman skates, neighborhood shooters skate, Chris Brown gets border-punked

Tuesday blew by like a tornado of kamikaze wasps frustrating at having been blown off-course and just looking for a reason to drop ass-first into angry oblivion. No, wait — foggy. It was foggy.

The U.S. Department of Justice has completed its investigation into unarmed 18-year-old Trayvon Martin's death at the hands of frequent law-enforcement engagement subject George Zimmerman, and didn't find enough evidence to charge Zimmerman with a hate crime. As ever, the answer to the question "how many people's lives does this guy have to end/ruin/disrupt before he's held accountable?" remains "at least one more."

Hey, remember when that detention officer and firefighter accidentally put some bullet holes in a neighbor's home in Lithia, including the kid's room? Yeah, try and guess if charges are gonna be filed.

Some people who would like to drink water (and eat the stuff that lives in it) without it causing them to grow sentient glow-in-the-dark tumors said as much to Florida's top corporate polluters. Corporate top polluters responded that, who knows, maybe sentient glow-in-the-dark tumors will be the hot conversation pet in 2022, and reminded everyone that they own the rights to any potentially profitable new life forms their pollution may create.

Speaking of devastating the biosphere, the Times parsed a dense, unbelievably spin-heavy press release dumped by Duke Energy late Friday afternoon (prime bad-news-dumpage hours) to explain that it's really the company's admission of multiple environmental crimes. Give it a read if you're really into things that make you go "wow, check out the absolute unbelievable nerve of this corporate entity" before snorting a crushed-up Excedrin Migraine and chasing it with a shot of 1800.

And finally, R&B singer and known asshole Chris Brown had to cancel two Canadian dates after being denied entry into the country. There's been a somewhat inspiring little run of countries deporting known assholes and denying them entry; guess what country they're always from?

(Image via Wikimedia Commons)

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