Sh*t Happened 2/17/17: Woman kidnaps witness's baby, man tries to blow up multiple Targets, woman, um, blows

Eh, it's Friday, and there's no time for pithy intros — the sooner we get through this, the sooner the beers.

A St. Petersburg woman was arrested for kidnapping a neighbor's baby in order to force the neighbor to change a statement she made to the police about witnessing the kidnapper trying to run over her (the kidnapper's) husband. Confusing, I know. And also next-level crazy! But neither of them saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night.

Speaking of next-level crazy: An Ocala man was arrested for a plot to plant multiple explosive devices ("disguised as food-item packaging") in Target stores along the east coast from New York to Florida. For Allah, perhaps? Or maybe for all the murdered unborn babies? Did he at least get food poisoning from a food item purchased at a Target? Nope — he wanted to drive down the price of the company's stock, so he could buy a bunch of it and make a killing when it eventually rebounded. Listen, just because the word "great" is in the phrase "great lengths," that doesn't mean every idea that includes going to great lengths is great, OK?

And finally, a story broke yesterday about a 26-year-old Jacksonville woman being arrested Wednesday for posting a video online of her blowing a guy in the Duval County Courthouse. She apparently misunderstood her attorney's comments about doing hard time...

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