Wait, so, a badger saw Beyonce's sonogram and that means in six weeks her twins will be born on Facebook Live? That makes absolutely no sense.
Burglars worked over the parked vehicles of three Tampa area neighborhoods. We're sympathetic, and stealing is stealing, but it's not "breaking into" if your car is unlocked. Also, people are still leaving their cars unlocked. Our Benevolent Atomic-Tangerine Leader hasn't returned the country to its fictional whitewashed '50s idyll quite yet, folks.
In an effort to try to reduce the practice's attractiveness to minors, St. Pete officials are considering adding e-cigarettes to an ordinance banning tobacco use in certain public areas of the city. Details are hazy, and authorities want to make sure their judgment isn't clouded on this topic, but they assure the public that they're not just blowing smoke. These jokes have been brought to you by Embarrassing Carpool Dad.
And finally, a Pinellas sheriff's deputy was fired for having sex with two of his colleagues, at least once in "an unoccupied room" at the county jail. You know that's code for "let's play Unchained Heat," right?
This article appears in Feb 2-9, 2017.