Sh*t Happened 2/7/16: St. Pete sanctuary city blowback, pelican illness sort of, not really explained

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Stand on your chair, and steady yourself with one hand on your cubicle wall. Now stretch up on your toes. That's it. Can you see that, way the hell over there? That's Friday. You can see Friday from here, and at least that's something.

Remember when Rick Kriseman called St. Pete a "sanctuary city" on Friday? In a completely not-unexpected turn of events, reactions have been divided, and there's been some confusion as to whether or not he was officially claiming capital-S capital-C Sanctuary City status. Remember when the usual response to reading a news story was saying "hmmmm" to yourself and finishing your eggs?

Speaking of St. Pete, the city has released some findings that indicate those pelicans that got sick and died probably fell victim to a combination of fertilizer-poisoned ponds and the toxic freshwater fish in them. Your yard looks fabulous, though.

In more uplifting people-and-animals-living-near-one-another news, an adult manatee and her calf were rescued from being trapped in an Oldsmar retention pond by a crew made of up members of various wildlife services. "God, they're dumb," said somebody taking a break between bites of a double bacon fried-egg burger to take a drag off a Lucky Strike.

And finally, kids who didn't pay attention in chemistry are apparently giving each other third-degree burns via the latest viral video trend, called the Ice and Salt Challenge. Herd-thinny!

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