Wednesday found us philosophical, as we ruminated on our relationships to "all people." We thought about that for a bit, then we turned our devious, giant monkey minds to figuring out how to screw "all people" out of a buck. People say it's imagination that sets us apart from the critters, but, really, if we allow our imagination to boil down to greed, is being set apart better? *produces soapbox* I give you Wednesday.
Florida governor and alleged thief of old people's money Rick Scott has declined to further pursue the appeals process regarding his (unconstitutional) law requiring social assistance applicants to be drug tested — probably because it was an expensive, invasive, profiling wad of bullshit that cost taxpayers millions to uncover illicit drug use in less than 3 percent of cases. It's like the least attractive slogan in the history of marketing politics: "Come for the wasteful spending, stay for the utter lack of results." Which, ironically, sounds a hell of a lot like what small-government conservatives like Rick Scott say about progressive ideas ALL THE LIVE-LONG DAY.
We hate like hell to even give her the mention, but that human equivalent of an incoherent last-call barfight, Sarah Palin, will help a Tampa area war veteran blinded in Iraq go hunting again on her Sportsman Channel TV show Amazing America tonight. Two other Bay area veterans who suffered disabling trauma will also be featured. OK, look: I tried and discarded multiple punchlines for this bit because it might be misconstrued that I was either A) making fun of combat wounded veterans or B) hoping Sarah Palin might get shot by a blind guy in the woods, neither of which is even remotely cool. So let's just go with this — in my heart, I believe this megalomaniacal snow harpy is exploiting the misfortune of U.S. soldiers in an attempt to hold on to her fading relevance via a poorly produced show on a ninth-rate cable network watched by apocalypse preppers. That said, if her misguided panic-grab at extending her name recognition exposes people to the true crimes of war, and to the inexplicable negligence shown our nation's veterans, then maybe we can call it even.
*steps off soapbox, sets it afire, then charges others to stand near its warmth, because this is America*
And finally, did you know that we've gotta fight for laws that keep employers from stealing wages from their employees? Or that we need to consider making rules to keep college professors from banging their students, because, you know, that might create some sort of conflict? Fuck, people, I thought that was common sense.
(I had another soapbox. I bought it with the money I made charging others to stand near the warmth of the one I set on fire. It's all a vicious cycle, really.)
This article appears in Feb 26 – Mar 4, 2015.