Sh*t happened 3/10/15: Scott's DEP, pier designs, school testing hacked

Monday was but an ephemeral dream that coursed silkily through a young Wall Street broker's mind, during a quick nap after a cold, snowy trudge and a warm, flaky knish.

It was reported that just after governor Rick Scott took office, a mandate came down through the ranks of the state's Department of Environmental Protection banning the use of phrases like "climate change," "global warning," "sustainability" or any other controversial, "scientifically unproven" theories. Oddly, state employees in various departments are given the choice between a delicious candy or a shiny quarter each time they use equally unproven notions like "long-term job creator" or "Rick Scott fixed the economy" in public.

Speaking of unscientific, the results of that public poll on St. Pete's pier designs are in. A lot of people like the crazy one — what's it called? We'll just go with "Artist's Rendering of Possible Future Spaceport, Circa 1957."

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement says some of last week's issues with a statewide educational testing rollout were due to a cyber attack. Top suspects include ISIS, the Chinese, the Russians, and Timothy, the bored kid who's too far ahead of the class to engage in any meaningful way beyond caustic humor. (HINT: It was Timothy.)

And finally, having had enough of the dreary, antiquated, prison-like confines of our nation's major cable providers, HBO has jumped that particular fence in favor of the newer, shinier, infinitely cooler confines of Apple's equally restrictive ecosystem. Remember the network's former laissez-faire attitude toward Game of Thrones torrenting? Um, yeah, about that...

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