Call in sick and go see a Demmycrat.
Those stalwart woman-fearing conservatives in the state legislature sent an anti-abortion bill to Governor Voldemort's desk. It's 2016 and Roe v. Wade is more than four decades old, dicks. Go do something useful.
Speaking of legislators doing pretty much anything to avoid tackling real government, they also repealed a nearly 150-year-old law banning the cohabitation of unmarried men and women. Because it matters, somehow?
Aaaand Florida's first documented case of sexually transmitted Zika is here. Who had Polk County in the office pool? Don't have sex with mosquitos, people.
Finally, another person was run over by their own driverless vehicle after exiting said vehicle. This is a thing that happens, to people, all the time. Oh yeah, we as a species totally deserve eternal dominion over reality.