It was a busy, busy weekend.
FRIDAY, MARCH 11:
After dropping out of the presidential race, Ben Carson backed the guy who compared him to a child molester. It's a win-win — Trump needs to seem less like a racist, and Carson needs to seem more like a guy who knows people other than Ben Carson exist.
A 35-year-old dude thought the public bathroom at the Lakeland Police Department was just the right place to shoot up some heroin. He wasn't compelled to be there, either, mind you — the guy walked in off the street. I think if you travel 15 more minutes back in time, you'll find a very stoned conversation about bucket lists that ends in a really stupid dare.
SATURDAY, MARCH 12:
Six people were injured when a man accidentally discharged a shotgun at an Ocala shooting range. You know, the shooting range. Where the people who know about guns go to fire them.
Another weekend, another wrong-way driver, this one killing himself and a Hillsborough County Sheriff's Deputy on the Selmon Expressway's elevated one-way lanes. Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to get on that section of road headed in the wrong direction, and not know it? We're being repeatedly beaten over the head with the logical result of taking auto travel completely for granted as a culture, and we think more signs are the answer.
SUNDAY, MARCH 13:
Juan Pablo Montoya won the Firestone Grand Prix of Saint Petersburg for the second year in a row. Charl Schwartzel won Palm Harbor's Valspar Championship on the first hold of a playoff. Let us congratulate these two for each performing superlatively in what may or not be an actual sport.
And finally, a report broke wide on Sunday about a Thursday arrest during which a 24-year-old Clermont man was stopped for speeding, told officers he was trying to get home to use the bathroom, and then went Numbers One & Two in the back of the squad car. *THIS IS WHERE THE FECES PUN GOES*