Sometimes I like to picture Friday as the temporal equivalent of Pac-Man, jovially devouring the ghosts of the week's dogged troubles — but only after swallowing a reality-altering pill, of course.
Tampa's ordinance "decriminalizing" possession of small amounts of weed (quotes for commenters who like to kvetch about the literal versus for-all-intents-and-purposes definitions of the word) got the city council's thumbs up, and is headed to the mayor's desk. C'mon, Mr. Buckhorn, the area's food is too good for this thing not to become reality.
Marco Rubio announced he's quitting the JV squad after failing to become the varsity team's starting quarterback following a single botched tryout. Football metaphors: exactly the simple, forced sort of bullshit figurative language most childish, entitled politicos that believe their own hype deserve.
A guy accidentally set himself on fire during a pep rally at a Delray Beach high school, providing a rare instance of a tired cliche proving itself true in spectacular pyrotechnic fashion during a high school pep rally.
And finally, SeaWorld caves, rightly and inevitably, with the expected partial capitulation, stretched-out timeline and equivocating PR spin. Too little, too late? Time will tell, but, yeah, probably. We're caring about stuff now.
This article appears in Mar 17-23, 2016.