Sh*t happened 3/30/16: Tampa man sues Shatner over alleged paternity, kitten thrown from car

As the sun rises to once again banish the darkness in a symbolic rebirth, let us all gawk one final time at yesterday as it recedes with the night. You can point and laugh if you want to, as well, but some people are gonna judge you on that.

Remember that Tampa guy who swears he's William Shatner's illegitimate son? He's now suing The Shat for $170 million and a DNA test to finally prove once and for all who's telling the truth. Anybody else hoping this whole thing ends well and amicably, and also punctuated by "PART GORN" knuckle tattoos?

Another day, another Baker Act: A man crashed his car into an unoccupied van in St. Pete, then stayed in his car as it caught fire and began stabbing himself in the stomach. Coping: Some do it differently.

Rick Scott did something not overtly evil, for like the second time in a week. It's magically suspicious.

We lost Patty Duke, who passed away at the age of 69. One of the first celebrities to speak openly about and advocate for education regarding mental and emotional health issues, Duke is probably best known for her Oscar-winning portrayal of Helen Keller in 1963's The Miracle Worker. Fierce lady.

And finally, some fucking cretin threw a three-week-old kitten out of a moving car in Pasco County. Somebody saw it happen, and took the kitten to SPCA Suncoast in New Port Richey, where she's being treated. You can help her and other animals by donating to the SPCA Suncoast here. Another way to help animals is to not treat them like cigarette butts.

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