I know, I know. It's late. I had a thing. A super-secret thing! Let's recap:
Update to The Great Tampa Bay Spice Panic of 2016: Three men were arrested for selling the synthetic pot you've gotta be a moron to smoke at an East Tampa convenience store. Solution to The Great Tampa Bay Spice Panic of 2016: develop a new attitude toward recreational drug use that's just a tad more discerning than "OK, sure, anything, anytime, whatever."
Meanwhile, in Volusia County: FWC trappers think they caught and killed the gator that killed a Port Orange family's dog, because it "was near where the dog was found dead." Probability Adjustment Factor: Florida.
Also Florida: A giant sinkhole opened in Tarpon Springs. Try not to die of surprise.
Meanwhile, in Orlando: Two dumb teenagers were arrested after doing the extremely dumb thing of taking Snapchat selfies of themselves with guns at school. "Teens" and "dumb" are the "chocolate" and "peanut butter" of American doom culture.
And finally, this company wants to make a concealed-carry pistol that's disguised as a smartphone. *checks next-to-last item off list of seals that need to be broken in order to start the apocalypse* Guess we can knock off early today, civilization.