Sh*t Happened 3/2/17: Hillsborough transit plan not one so much, Florida not best state, cocaine ATM?

Good morning! The world is ending, but so slowly it's becoming more irritating than anything else, like that Simpsons episode where Krusty ducks the biplane Sideshow Bob is trying to kill him with, then realizes he has time for a smoke before it gets there.

The Hillsborough Board of County Commissioners approved costly, disjointed amendments to its transportation plan that ignore forward-thinking mass transit options in favor of the same old roadway expansions and "improvements" that, by the time they're done, will likely have little to no effect on congestion, travel time, convenience or quality of life. It's safe to say the county's solution to its traffic woes is — *puts on sunglasses* — going nowhere fast. YEEAA-what? Oh, sorry. I thought it had come back around again as a thing.

Maybe "crappy transportation options" were one of the reasons why a new study on America's "best states" finds Florida solidly and unremarkably in the middle of the pack at 24th. Then again, Massachusetts is ranked No. 1, so maybe it leaned heavily on criteria like "shortest distance between Dunkin Donuts franchises" and "most snow that looks like it would probably kill you if you were forced to eat it."

The St. Pete Police are testing out new "gun cams" attached to their weapons that automatically begin recording when one is drawn. The world is officially a video game, and unfortunately, a video game about rebuilding community trust through education, accountability and mutual respect just isn't as exciting as a first person shooter.

And finally, if you accidentally tried to shove your personal stash of cocaine into the deposit slot of the ATM along with your paycheck a couple of nights ago, the Bradenton cops are interested in having a word with you. Don't worry, they're more concerned than angry.

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