Getting right to it, then.
FRIDAY, MARCH 24:
"A man was charged in Lakeland after sitting in a chair and eating pancakes in the middle of a street." If that lede doesn't send you clicking through immediately, perhaps you might benefit more from some other sarcastic weekday news round-up. Here, we click through for the man sitting in a chair and eating pancakes in the middle of a street.
Kucherov made the overtime goal to secure a Lightning win against the Red Wings, keeping them just barely in the running for the final wild card playoff spot in their conference. (That may have changed since Friday night, but I don't know, because I tried to decipher a website of the standings and my eyes bled spleen oil.)
SATURDAY, MARCH 25:
Tampa celebrated love in Ybor City. Three men apparently weren't OK with that, but fuck them.
Beachgoers in Volusia County found a five-pound package of weed that had washed up on the shore. And called the cops, because dope is for dopes. (Narcs.)
SUNDAY, MARCH 26:
A 19-year-old Dade City woman turned herself in to the cops to face charges that she purposefully struck a pregnant woman with her car door. Wow. Weren't throat-punching the old woman in the wheelchair and eating the little girl's puppy enough?
And finally, it's starting to be a thing worthy of its own marketing slogan: "Florida — home to more inactive just-lying-around hand grenades than you'd think!"