Sh*t Happened 3/31/17: Rays Opening Day sold out, manatees no longer legally endangered, just real-life endangered

You've only got a few more hours to go before you can begin openly drinking at the office — seriously, try to keep it on the down-low at least until after lunch.

The Tampa Bay Rays announced that their Opening Day game against the Yankees this Sunday is sold out. Well of course it is — who wouldn't want to see the legendary New York Yankees on Opening Day? (Sorry. That was cheap. And only partly true. The Rays have sold out their last 12 consecutive Opening Day games, which is sometimes tough to remember — given the team's overall attendance stats — and should be celebrated.)

Somebody else is now accusing the Hillsborough Public Transportation Commission of malfeasance. Shocker! This time it's a Sarasota lawyer, who claims the embattled regulatory agency is trying to avoid complying with state public records laws and withholding documents regarding its alleged collusion with taxi companies against Uber and Lyft. "Ugh, this has been going on forever and it doesn't affect me, can we just move on?" thought somebody reading this who's apparently totally fine with bureaucrats screwing them out of their freedom of choice, as long as it isn't, you know, boring.

And finally, the manatee was removed from the endangered species list and reclassified as "threatened," despite the fact that more of them were killed by boaters last year than ever — the number topped 100 for the first time since records have been kept. Well, they must've done it because the science proves that they've returned to a healthy natural population, right? Um, actually, it seems like this is the result of a lawsuit from an anti-environmental group backing interests in Citrus County, where manatee rides or a fucking manatee rodeo or whatever could be a hell of a lucrative idiot-tourist draw.




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