A new week is upon us. Please remember to gird your own loins before checking to make sure the loins of those around you are properly girded.
FRIDAY, MARCH 3:
The story broke wide about St. Pete Pride finally solidifying a compromise with the city that keeps the day festival part of the celebration in the Grand Central District while moving the parade downtown. So it ended the way we all said it was gonna, even though some of the folks in charge were saying "no, we can't tell you but it's not gonna be like that" — making this St. Pete's own version of LOST, pretty much.
Wolf Pack. WOLF PACK! An overnight DUI crackdown in Pinellas County resulted in 32 charges, 14 of which were DUIs. "Wolf Pack" seems a little aggressive, image-wise — I doubt folks are apt to drive less erratically when they're being pursued by the metaphorical equivalent of a group of animals that wants to eat them alive. Maybe soften it with a slogan: "Helping you home safely, after a brief and extremely expensive stop due to your dumbshittery."
SATURDAY, MARCH 4:
Florida Rep. Charlie Crist spent four hours answering constituents' questions in a St. Pete town hall meeting. Changing his mind about issues and party affiliation, having a cocktail on a flight, staying two hours after the party is supposed to end; no wonder other politicians dislike Crist — he's in grave danger of resembling a regular person.
The Suncoast Animal League and Tampa Bay Raptor Rescue have put up a $600 reward for information leading to the arrest of whoever broke an osprey's wing by shooting it with a BB in Palm Harbor. Yeah, some shithead was bored and stupid enough to take potshots at a legally protected bird of prey. May the talons of justice be swift and merciless. (Seriously.)
SUNDAY, MARCH 5:
And finally, mega-hit Broadway play Hamilton will be coming to Tampa Bay for the 2018-2019 theater season — so, just in time for it to become a regular reference on the sort of broadcast-TV sitcoms watched primarily by elderly Midwesterners, then.
This article appears in Mar 2-9, 2017.