Sh*t happened: 4/2/15: Buckhorn sworn in, Friendship Bridge coming down & more

Share on Nextdoor


Good morning! Did you enjoy Super Fun Happy Lie To Everyone Garbage Day? Some true things did happen, though. (DISCLAIMER: Contains untrue things.)

Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn, who ran more-or-less unopposed, was sworn into office for his second term, along with members of the city council. Mr. Buckhorn gave a truly moving speech about the progress the city has made and will make, and only accidentally referred to himself as governor twice.

Hillsborough County commissioners approved $6 million to finally demolish the Friendship Trail bridge, aka The Other Gandy Bridge With The Fishing Docks That I Could Have Been Using This Whole Time And I Would've Signed A Waiver And Everything I Swear, possibly before the end of the year. Fans of interbay rivalry will be disappointed to know that suggestions that the Friendship Trail be replaced with an Animosity Gauntlet consisting of an elevated minefield dotted with razor-wire and fences topped with broken glass will not be considered.

The inventor of the pet rock died at the age of 78. He left his entire estate to his beloved Violet, an insensate 280-million-year-old hunk of schist with quartz and feldspar highlights.

And finally, in the wake of pressure from workers, union-backed organizations and people who have actually had to live on fast-food wages at some point in their lives, McDonald's has agreed to raise its base hourly pay to $1 more than the local minimum wage at the 1,500 non-franchise stores it owns. Oh, and now two hours counts as a shift. Oh, and also, employees "caught" eating perfectly good food that has been under the heat lamp 30 seconds too long will henceforth immediately be "terminated." (Read: shot.) It's a compromise thing.

Image of Gandy Bridge by Mmcknight4 via Wikimedia Commons.

Scroll to read more News Feature articles

Newsletters

Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.