Sh*t Happened 4/13/17: Guns, gridlock and the new normal

Happy Free Wawa Coffee Day! Try not to get shot while you're getting yours, because ain't that America, something to see, baby.

Two teens who got into a fight at Tampa's Blake High School were arrested when it was discovered that both of them were armed — one with a knife and one with a gun. That neither teen actually involved their weapon in the fight was yesterday's Thing That Made God Shrug And Put Off Destroying The World For One More Day. So, silver lining, then. Thanks, teens!

A wolf and a clown walk into a convenience store — oh wait, this isn't an absurdist joke that plays off of the listener's conditioned expectations, it's a story about an armed 7-11 robbery in Pasco. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before.

Another day, another bridge traffic blockage. If this is the new normal, the new normal blows. I"m building a new app that calls a guy on a scooter to bring you a wetsuit and air tank when traffic stalls on any Bay area bridge, so you can just jump off and swim away. It's called ScUber. (Sorry.)

And finally, to wrap most of this crap up into a single Happy Meal of sad, a new study contends that over the last two years Florida has become the gun-totingest road-ragiest state in the union. Because why have the gun if you're not gonna pull it out when a lady with a minivan full of kids sort of veers into your lane a little bit? Ask those kids from Blake High, man — the children, they are the future.

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