If you're superstitious, you're welcome to hide in yesterday's news for a while.
Beloved convenience store chain (?) Wawa gave away a bunch of free coffee yesterday for its 54th anniversary, and people were freaking out about it. Do people in other countries pledge devotion to companies because their amenities are slightly cleaner and their sandwiches are slightly fresher than the competition? I wonder. But I bet fast-food chains don't textfight on social media so successfully anywhere else in the world. *cue Lee Greenwood*
A teacher at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School was arrested after leaving his semiautomatic handgun in a bathroom in Deerfield Beach; a homeless person who found and fired the pistol was also arrested. You might think "oh, how ironic" if your grasp of irony is somewhat tenuous; this isn't ironic, it's just darkly funny, and America itself condensed to fit into the space of a crapper stall.
NOAA announced that it's retiring four names from the list of monikers given to hurricanes. Harvey, Irma, Maria and Nate are being swept off the slate "because of the death and destruction they caused during the 2017 Atlantic season." Isn't it wonderful when science and superstition collide?
And finally, if you lost a necklace with a locket containing the ashes of a loved one in a Clearwater Whole Foods a few years ago, here's some very good news for you. You know, if we get this sucker reunited with its owner today, we just might kill that whole Friday the 13th thing off forever.
