What the hell are you reading about yesterday's news for? Get your damn taxes done.

The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office partnered with multiple law enforcement agencies within the state to bust a ring working in stolen cigarettes across 15 counties, among other alleged crimes. While the value of the cigarettes sold by undercover cops was only around $10K, the bust netted multiple firearms, marijuana, synthetic marijuana and a large amount of cash, as well. So put that in your pipe and… well, you know.

The parents of students at a poorly performing Hernando elementary school were notified yesterday by letter that every teacher at the school was being fired at the end of the school year. Of course, because the teachers themselves had been told Friday and the internet exists, news had been leaking all weekend on social media, and the students and their folks were freaking out. Administrators said the move was necessary to help the school become more successful. You know what's not conducive to a successful educational environment? Massive upheaval.

And finally, the Bolts' playoff momentum came to a halt, while the Rays killed their own losing streak by beating the Rangers. Sportsball is a fickle deity, it is. We recommend augmenting one's worship with a healthy dose of Caribbean voodoo.