Hello, Thursday. You may be the Andy Richter to Friday's Conan, but we love you just the same.
So four, count 'em, four loaded guns were found by the TSA at Tampa International Airport yesterday alone, at least two of them in bags passengers were attempting to carry onto flights. What's scarier, that people are still trying to take guns on flights, or that people are just, like, forgetting that, oh, that's where they left that pesky lethal thing?
The Florida legislature passed the "Whiskey & Wheaties" bill allowing liquor to be sold in the same store as other goods, doing away with that whole "having to go out a door and in the door immediately next to that door" thing. What was the big deal about this whole thing again? Oh, right, a convoluted bureaucracy of distribution channels and vested interests aimed at funneling profits in one direction or another. Capitalism! It spent a lot of time and money putting a door and then another door between two kinds of goods, then arguing about whether or not to take them away. It's the only way to live.
A new report lists U.S. Highway 41 as the second deadliest road in the nation. Why would a road in a region overstuffed with terrified seniors, lost tourists, drunken partiers, texting teens and distracted pedestrians be so dangerous? The world may never know.
And finally, three teenaged idiots went to the Lakeland Police Department to apologize for posting a prank video online that showed them pretending to smoke pot on the PD's front steps. It would be nice to assume these young men saw the error of their ways and learned a valuable lesson, but we're gonna have to play the odds and go with "the dipshits were forced to be accountable because they put a video of themselves online" instead.