Sh*t happened 4/28/16: Go Hillsborough a no-go, Bolts lose, area beaches less fecal

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Yesterday was dumbfounding. How many signs of the apocalypse are there supposed to be? In any case, this surely counts as at least four of 'em. Onward, into oblivion!

The Hillsborough Board of County Commissioners decided for the people that the people really didn't need to decide for themselves, and voted narrowly to keep the Go Hillsborough half-cent transit tax proposition off the November ballot. Somewhere, an eccentric billionaire is clutching his proposal for a helicopter sky ferry service between Orlando and St. Pete Beach and screaming at an empty boardroom, "Not so crazy now, is it?!"

The Marion County, Florida School Board just showed the entire nation exactly why north central Florida will never have a cool, inspiring slogan like "Tomorrow's Florida Today" or "Where Everyone Finds A Home" or "Totally Not Fans Of Fearmongering Institutionalized Discrimination, Nope, That's Not Us At All."

The New York Islanders beat the Bolts 5-3 in the opening game of the Lightning's second round of playoffs. The Lightning hockeyed to the best of their abilities given the multiple variables that can impact any instance of hockeying, but alas, their best hockeying on this night was apparently just not good enough hockeying.

And finally, enough of the human poop bacteria is gone from the waters of Ben T. Davis and Picnic Island Beaches to make swimming there a merely super-gross idea rather than an actively health-endangering one. Mazel Tov!

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